Caged Bird

Part three: A caged bird

 

     A week later, music began to melt behind the feelings that Regina and Jamone felt for each other, which seemed so tangible and real. The song was put aside for production, not because she wasn’t good enough, but because Devon’s ADHD mind thought of other ideas for lyrics, and he wanted to take another direction.

    That Saturday evening Regina and Jamone walked on the boardwalk, the sun a fiery orange red in the horizon, as noticeable as the fire burning in their hearts.

    Words escaped their lips involving deeper parts of themselves. He spoke of his past, his divorce, his two kids he barely got to see, his struggle with a broken household. At first, she drew back, a little concerned about his baggage, but then her mind argued with her conscience. You have to accept all of him. You can't hold his past against him, I mean, you got your past too...

    She explained her situation with a controlling upbringing, her struggle with finding her identity in a strict religion, and her grapple with the evil enemy called debt.

     What melted her heart is that he understood. When he held her delicate hand in his strong one, and looked down into her eyes, (she was only five foot two), he made Regina feel cared for and loved. In turn her weakness escaped, spilling out more fragility, which was probably not a good thing, but he gave her this newfound romance she was seeking.

    They were so hypnotized by each other that they neglected to notice the darkness that quickly approached them, the sun a distant memory. Beach goers were starting to disappear, packing their dogs in their vans, run down from a busy day.

    Yet Regina didn't feel run down at all. She felt so alive, as if each beat of his heart sustained her's. Each word he said lay heavy with significance on her mind. 

    And his eyes. They made her feel a million things; ecstasy, longing, weakness, hope, but she also discovered that the darkness seemed to wash away all of them. Truth is, she did not know him well, and she laid her heart out before him, her trust in his hands. She felt as vulnerable as a little child.

    She will never forget those four words she spoke to him, "Please, don't hurt me."

    "I won't, I promise," he replied, kissing her hand like a chivalrous man, his reply floating through her ears like a sweet melody.

    There was a hesitation, and she could feel their bodies stir, blood pumping, and she felt titillated, yearning for him so badly. 

    The physical relationship was ignited that evening, and although she felt that it might tear them apart, in reality, it bonded them closer together. She had never found a love so exquisite, yet with a rough feeling. There was hair pulled, pushing up against the wall, exploring a new flexibility she never had, aching all over, and lungs hurting. She was in a state of rapture over the thug, Jamone, who she was falling in love with, or so she thought.

    Their infatuation for each other led to her signature on an affordable apartment, throwing Jamone the keys to her car, or the cell phone when he needed it. His credit was damaged, and she had to put the apartment in her name, she felt lucky she had what he did not, and she felt it was her duty to help him out.

    So when Jamone asked her if she could put some studio equipment on her credit card, she did not hesitate. His words were, "It will help us out baby. You will sing vocals, my boy and I will rap. We will tour, you will be in our shows..." When she purchased the midi program, the headphones, computer, microphone, he brought them back to their apartment, putting them together as if they meant more to him than her.

    He spoke of paying her back in six months, he wanted to work overtime, anything to help her out for all she did for him. He would kiss her hand with so much devotion, make her feel a mile high, but eventually she felt so low to the ground she might have been buried.

    As months went by, no checks came her way. She wanted to trust, but he nicked at it with an icepick, and it was as cold as ice. Playing video games on his PlayStation, burying his ears in his microphones, up all night creating beats for his boys were his love, not her. She felt invisible to him. His importance was set on impressing his boys, and when she expressed her desire for him, he went about it as if it were a chore.

    However, her credit card was still pulled out. Each swipe was a way, she thought, to keep him closer to her. Her obsessiveness replaced any selfless love she may have had. Or it was as crippling as a thunderstorm, causing her to shudder in fear at the thought of being struck down from her own powerlessness...Tears rolled down her face, like rain, flooding her inhibitions, drowning her intuition.

    Just like her heart, her creativity lay cold. When she picked up the pen to write her music, it was as if her hand were frozen, only a blank silence flowed out.

    "The studio is for me and my boy only," Jamone would say from his large lips, once so soft to kiss, now unnecessary things she wanted to pull over his face and suffocate him with.

    Devon would come over to their apartment every day and record his heart out, on the equipment they were too broke to purchase. And Jamone would consistently go over to his “boy’s place” and when she called him he said “I’ll be home in an hour,” yet two hours would go by, then three, then four. Many times Regina’s escape was to the mall, because she felt she did not belong. Buy clothes with money she didn’t have, to fill this void he could not give her. Although she had a boyfriend, she felt more alone than she had ever been.

    Please don't hurt me...I won't. I promise...

    But Regina did hurt. Every goddamn day.

    Devon would ask them why they did not write songs together, as they did in the beginning, but how could she tell him that she felt so covered in gloom that it was hard to write. The pen touched the page, but nothing came out. She tried to sing but felt like a caged bird, robbed of its voice, its beauty, its freedom. Instead, she lived in a shadow of her former self, reaching out to grasp her, but she fell beneath her fingertips.

    She was a prisoner. Only living and breathing for Jamone. Her music was no longer her life; he was. She spent the next five months of their relationship racking up debt, crying every night, instead of the openness and freedom of inspiration, she cluttered her life with obsession.

    And it all came to a precarious end that rainy night in October...

 

Author's Note

Look for the end part 4, you will find the climax, how the relationship finally plays out. it's good.

Reviews

[Hayame]

Ah! I can't stop now, I have to keep going. Unfortunately, the things you wrote about are a reality. I have, er, had someone like that in my life but it was one of my friends. Sigh. Sometimes, people like Regina need to realize that she can only help another person if they're willing to help themselves as much; otherwise it's enabling.

Jamone seems like a real jerk, I didn't like him from the very beginning! Argh!

As usual, your writing was consistent. :D It flowed very nicely and was artfully descriptive.

[emmajoy]

I ha d a f eeling s omething was going to happen. eeeek. How cruel is that man, poor wo man.. you've writ ten so well, it seems real. Shows how well y ou've created this. ' instead of inspiration, she cluttered her life with obsession' fine line!

[Omar]

I can't believe it. That sleaze ball Jamone! What a loser!
How could he hurt Regina like this. After all what they've been through, after all the attraction, the fire, the passion.
"I won't. I promise."
Actually, the fact that he said that foreshadowed that he was, in fact, going to hurt her. He was gonna cute her so deep she wouldn't see it coming. But all the pinkness of the romance they lived really blinded everything, you know? Happens all the time. OMG I will read part 4 as soon as possible! Can't wait!

[justink :):)]

very well writen and love is so painful it can rob you of your inner voice soil and outlook on life.and just how you go about your daily life.

p.s. just wanted to say another good write

always love from justin

[justjenn_2u]

"She tried to sing but felt like a caged bird, robbed of its voice, its beauty, its freedom. "

You plugged the emotions she was feeling here well!!! You convey in your words how painful love can be and how it can rob you of your inner soul. Well written, once again!!!!

[Angel Bird]

This one's very well written and very thought and emotion provoking. I think this really happened to many girls and men already. I hope Regina got safely out of this dilemma ... Ok I'm off to the next part - see ya ...