13 thoughts extended version

i couldn't decide how to end it so i wrote a extra page and a half

       

13 Thoughts

Where am I? This is the first thought to cross my mind. It is cold and damp. It is dark all around me. Wherever I am feels cramp it is hard to move. Hard to breath. It is claustaphobic.

I try to sit up but fail. I barely manage to make the slightest movement of my index finger. I try to call out, but I can not make the quietest sound. Something is pressing down on my lips.

What happened to cause this? This is my second thought. I can not remember anything except….except an explosion. It was loud. That I remember. There was a bright flash, that had been blinding.

My lungs begin to burn. I realize I am not breathing. I drew in a slow quivering breath through my nose. I can feel something slimy move across my skin. I don’t know what it is, but this tells me something. Third thought. I am not alone.

My chest began to ache. I am not getting enough air. I force in a breath. I have to break free. My fourth thought. I’m well confined, wherever I am, this would make breaking free difficult this I knew for certain. My fifth thought. Am I tied up? I must be. Perhaps this is why I cant move.

My body is growing numb. I can no longer feel my legs and my fingers have begun to tingle. It felt as though everything surrounding me “these invisible walls” were caving in.

I’m going to die. This is my sixth thought. Or am I already dead? No, if I was dead I wouldn’t feel the dampness, the cold. My lungs wouldn’t ach as they are now. No. I’m not dead…yet

I’m buried. My seventh thought. Buried. I have been buried alive. This is why I can’t move. This must be why it is so cold and damp. I want to panic but if I do that, I will die much sooner. I must be calm.

How did I get here? This is my eighth thought. Unless I could figure this out I couldn’t break free. The explosion. Yes. It has something to do with the explosion. But what? Can I remember? I must remember….

The 9^th. I remember. Finally I remember. We were engaged in battle and my unit was winning. Then out of nowhere came the screams. The Bloodcurdling screams of my unit and civilians. I saw flames licking the tops of buildings, children running around their skin turning to ash. I stood frozen. Then Josh grabbed my arm. “We have to go they have grenades. We have to fall back” I didn’t listen I just stood there. Paralyzed Then a grenade landed 8ft away from us. It went off. It went off like a camera’s flash. I flew back and…that...that’s it.

My tenth…Where is Josh? Was he buried too? Or is he dead…Maybe he died on impact. I took in a calm breath. No this is Josh. The best soldier. He is alive. I have to find him. I try and lift my arm. No use. I can’t keep this up. My lungs might cave in soon.

My eleventh thought I wish I could reach my pocket and hold the picture of  Nevaeh. To see her adorable 5-year old smile one last time. My chest has begun to throb. I wish could tell her “Daddy loves you. I’ll see you soon” I can’t. I wont ever be able to again.

My twelfth. I can’t breath. I’m close to death. I can feel it creeping up on me. I’ve been here for an hour now.  And for an hour I’ve been counting my thoughts. I’m starting to ache. It hurts… Now I know how drowning people feel ,but at least death happens much sooner for them. I feel dizzy now. I can’t feel anything. My eyes are closed. Despite the pain of not breathing…death was peaceful…

I’m sorry to everyone I’ve wronged. I hope you’re ok Josh…I know you’re ok… Nevaeh you’re always gunna be daddy’s little girl. I’m sorry to everyone I’ve killed or hurt here. God forgive me…my last thought…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

“Where is he?!” Commander Josh Jones snapped as the burned half of his face began to throb. He pulled out his army knife and held it to the foreign man’s throat. “You have 5 seconds or you will be in the same place as the rest of your comrades!  Now where is he!?” He demanded.

 “It doesn’t matter. By the time I take you to him he will be dead.” He laughed

The commander stabbed him in the stomach in one swift motion. “By the time you decide to tell me you’ll be dead. Or I could help you. Who‘s laughing now?” He put the blade back up to his throat.

He spat up blood. “He is buried. In the Valley of Suffering……”

“Where is that?”

The man pointed a shaking hand to the right of the Green oasis. “There…” he murmured “Just one mile…Now kill me you will anyway…”

“How right you are.” Josh said and sliced his throat. “Men lets move out! Davis get rid of him.” He ordered kicking the corpse. Josh and several other men hopped into a jeep and headed toward the oasis. From there they would have to walk. Well run to be more accurate. How had I let this happen? he thought I was right there with him. I was conscious  before him. How did this happen? His hand reluctantly touched the scared right half of his face. True my face no longer looks the same but I’m not buried in the ground somewhere. It really is unfair. That should be me. Not him. He is all Nevaeh has. The moment the jeep stopped Josh was already running. He could run a mile under 8 minutes. “ Look for loose soil. This is a matter of life and death!” He barked

Josh and his unit had been searching the valley of suffering for ten minutes. The men were ready to give up. After all if he was here he should have broken free. Josh was not like his comrades. He would not give in so easily. “Keep looking!” he barked. You could be dead for five minutes and still be revived. He couldn’t let him die like this.

“Sir!” Lieutenant Vamwire hollered. “We found something over here! It looks like one of our canteens.”

 “Start digging now!” What if … No he wouldn’t think about the what if’s. He was alive and all in one piece. Sore maybe a broken leg or two but he was alive.

They dug as fast as two hands would allow. He was here Josh was sure of it. He had to be here. Then his hand touched something warm and soft. Yes he was still alive or….he swallowed…recently deceased… He carefully finished unburying the body. Bring me some water. Davis, and Vamwire. Lift him up.”

It was in fact Lieutenant Joseph Paerker. His lips were blue. Josh unsuccessfully searched for a pulse. He wasn’t breathing. He immediately began CPR. After ten minutes of no response. Josh accepted that his childhood and current best friend was dead. He walked off toward the oasis wondering what the future held.

“Sir!” Davis called. “He’s alive!”