The C Word

A Story by Kemi Rebecca

Just my take on what it must be like to be told that you have cancer.

That word. That word that no one ever really wants to acknowledge or mention. That word that seems to always enter your life, no matter how much you have tried to avoid it. That word that doctors seem to mumble under their breath when they tell you that you have it.

My favourite place to be when things go bad is by the sea. I love the way the waves crash against the rocks and then calmly come to greet the sand that tickles your toes as you sink them into the dampness beneath your feet. The sea has always managed to calm me, pick me up in a warm embrace and comfort me. But when you are told that your life will change forever and that there is nothing you can do it about, this haven of tranquillity suddenly without warning becomes a faraway world that you will never be able to reach again. You realise that in that moment, nothing will ever be the same again. You will never be able to visit the places you longed to see, meet the people you had always dreamt about or have the wild nights that you would come to remember forever.

They say that it doesn’t have to be this way and that you can live a “normal” life but with a constant clock ticking away the minutes, hours, days, weeks, maybe even months that you have left on this earth. They say that they are developing new drugs and tests that could “potentially” give you extra years in your life but will make you sick and less of a human being. They say that there are people like me who go on to live “happy” lives but are never the same again.

People like me?

I remember it as if it was just yesterday. The cold bleakness of the hospital room where you wait for your verdict was like a reminder that you will not come out of this better, it will only get worse. The doctor will start off by saying what happened during the numerous tests that had to be done as we both nod as if we understand what he is saying. Then it comes. That word. My mother doesn’t seem to hear it as she asks again and again and the doctor says it again and again. But I have left the hospital room, I have left my sobbing mother and I have left the world behind me. I am back with the sea. My old friend. He comes to say hello and gives me a huge and long hug. We walk along the beach, just talking and laughing, remembering the good times. Then I hear my name being called in the distance and I am ripped from my thoughts and brought back into the real world to face that word.

That word. That word that causes havoc and mayhem everywhere it goes. That word that tears your very being apart and throws it to the ground without any hesitation. That word that will never leave my side and will forever be that devil on my back. That word. Cancer.

By Kemi Ajayi