Utter Randomness

The above is a glimpse into a singular night many, many moons ago when juvenility was still my boss...

I stare at the tiny paper in my hand, unsure of what I am getting myself into. The anticipation is almost unbearable; the tenuous air suddenly the heaviest substance in existence as it weighs down upon me. The fast-paced trance music not aiding in tempering my heart rate. This square in my hand is so damn tiny, but its effects immeasurable - how comically paradoxical.

  

Nudged from behind, I'm met with a friendly smile as I turn around, "Have you?" I reply in the negative with a simple shake of my head, offering a half-hearted smile in return. The worry is obviously painted across my face as I get a reassuring, "Relax, you'll enjoy it." With a slight shrug and a steel of resolve I close my eyes and gulp it down, the bitter taste made bearable by the sweetness of the cider in my mouth.

Now we wait…

But not too long. At first I am unsure what I am feeling. It starts with a rapid increase in thoughts, but more precisely the amount of times they change at any given time. Oh right, time, what is that? It seems I've entered a world where it ceases to exist. Things move so unimaginably fast, yet so beautifully slow. A world where concepts that are supposed to be irreconcilable coexists in perfect harmony. But this world is not for the feeble, as intellect is torn apart as it tries to comprehend the transcendental.

Colours become sounds, sounds become touch, touch becomes light, earth becomes water, flow becomes solid, solid becomes everything and anything in between and you struggle to stay afloat amongst the lake of dancing bodies that threaten to both bolster and bash you. What do you think? Do you even dare to? This is a marathon, and one thought needs but the slightest of cues to run to the next, caring less and less if you keep up.

I want to cry, but I laugh. Yes, keep on laughing it will save you. Clowns! Evil, evil clowns. So deep now, how do I get out? I cannot. Never. Help me. Yay, the floor is spinning to the beat of the music, how pretty. Everything is wonderful in the world. War. So this is how it ends? All that-this-that-this just happened in a nanosecond: I'm the first human to perceive a nanosecond! I must share this with everyone! I think I can control time - hmmm, we need to explore this further, I'm almost sure I can. Joy. Love. Hate. More.

A gentle touch on my shoulder teleports me to the true reality and my thoughts instantly surface from the ocean of utter randomness - a moment of God-given clarity - a short breath before it dives back underneath to explore the coral floors with the Little Mermaid. I've given up - all of my mind is now under command of this foreign chemical power; sure, take it for a ride, just be careful and bring it back in one piece.

Many hours later…

Or it could've been minutes, who knows? Not I. Things return slowly but surely to the sane: the music no longer touchable, the pretty lights no longer swimming in and out of my person, the people's faces no longer shape-shifting into the indescribable. I take in fresh air and say a silent prayer that I survived that. And as I lay there trying to sift through the night's thoughts, I find that the only constant of the entire ordeal was the utter randomness of it all.