The Next Best Thing

THE NEXT BEST THING

 

“You know, I come up here a lot now.”

            “Yeah, but you know it’s dangerous, right.” This wasn’t a question. More like a statement as if she knew I agreed with her.

            Casey had followed me up onto the roof. The last time I had been up here with her, she freaked and almost fell. I then had promised her that I, too, would stay away but only to make her feel better. I broke that promise a long time ago.

            “Yeah. I know. That’s why I’m so scared all the time up here.”

            “You’re scared that you might fall. I get it. And I understand. So why don’t you come inside and I’ll--”

            “No,” I replied. “I’m afraid I’ll think too much and break my own heart.”

            Casey let out a laugh. A fake and short one at that but not a nervous one. As if it was only used to lighten up the situation. Then she added, “Yeah, but that only happened when you’re depressed! And you’re not depressed.”

            I just gazed at her. Not really looking straight into her eyes but instead staring just past them at the sun, now setting, depriving us of the only light we had up here. Well, until the porch lights came on, of course.

            Casey’s face immediately dropped. “Oh,” she said through her perfectly white teeth.

            I stood up, brushing off broken leaves and bits of roof from my shorts. The air was humid and warm out. Just the opposite of how I felt inside. I folded my arms over my chest and leaned back to add resistance to my body weight, considering the steepness of the roof’s arch. I looked down as the sun dimmed out of my sight.

            “Sarah, no.” Casey suddenly said, startling me and setting off my balance a bit. “You are not depressed! I mean, I know you! I’ve known you since seventh grade! Don’t you think I’d know if you were depressed?”

            I still didn’t say anything. I just stared down at the darkness below me, dimly lighted by the full moon.

            “Sarah? What are you thinking about right now? Sarah? Sarah! You can tell me. Really.”

            “But I can’t,” I whispered to myself.

            “What was that?”

            I chuckled out a few breaths before continuing. “I can’t,” I said a little louder now, but I still wasn’t sure she could fully understand what I was saying. Still, she stayed quiet.

            “The night when you almost fell off. You remember that, right?”

            “Yeah. But--”

            “Well, I’ve been thinking about it. For a while now.”

            “Let’s not talk about th--”

            “No!” I yelled louder than I expected. “I’m talking. We’re talking…about this.” My voice edged on its breaking point. I slightly remember a tear inching its way down my face, but I brushed it off quickly, and no others followed. “I was so scared you would have gotten hurt.”

            Casey stood up now with a somber look on her face that showed a pinch of nervousness to it as she looked down and realized how far we were up. I noticed this expression. She had worn it before. The night she almost fell. But I quickly averted my eyes back down at the empty darkness below.

            “You always talked about how my dad saved your life by climbing up on that ladder and getting you,” I said, still looking down but now with a light smile on my face.

            “What are you saying, Sarah?”

            I let out another laugh, this one longer and more childish.

            A long pause, then, “I wonder how far up we are.” I looked back and forth from my feet to the ground.

            “No, Sarah, no,” Casey said in a surprisingly calm voice as if she knew I was going to back down. “Let’s just go inside and pop some popcorn, okay? Maybe we can even watch that stupid movie about the pants that could drive or whatever that you love so much. Okay? Sarah?”

            She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and nudged me back towards the bedroom window in which we had both climbed out if tonight to get on top of the roof, but I quickly brushed her away, heading farther to my right.

            “Sarah.” She let out a chuckle slightly filled with a sigh, finally letting that inch of worry peak through. “You can’t really be serious. You can’t do this, Sarah. Prom is next week. What will Anthony say when he figures out he’s dateless?” And then finally her voice broke through and I saw a tear sneak down her cheek. “Sarah?” But the tears didn’t stop for her. They kept coming until she was full-on sobbing, where even her breaths became louder and louder each time she gasps for more air between cries.

            This only amused me, though. You know? The idea that she cared so much about me compared to how little I cared about her, especially at this very moment just kinda sunded funny to me at the time. I mean, we weren’t even friends anymore. We hadn’t talked in years. It was my mother’s idea to invite her over, and I was so lately notified that I didn’t even have time to object, despite her pleas that we were best friends since junior high.

            I looked down at my watch. The porch lights sprang on at exactly 7:30, just as the times we had already preset had instructed them to do. Now I could see everything. The grass on the ground, which we had not mowed since last summer. The way it border that un-painted fence. And most importantly, how dull it all looked. Comparing perfectly to my dull, boring life.

            I pulled my left foot back and started to push myself over the roof’s edge slowly yet far enough that I now could almost see the kitchen window. Soon, I was just barely getting a glimpse of my mother’s shadow in front of the counter dabbing off cigarette ashes into the sink, but I just kept pushing myself forward.

            “Sarah, no!” Casey’s voice was so sure now. Almost as if, if I jumped, she would die, too. But strangely, at that moment, it had satisfied me and only propelled me farther forward.

            So I let my feet slip from the roof’s warmth, and instantly I felt the cold of the air seep into my skin as the wind rushed up upon my face.

            A screech behind me. The sound rising greater and greater through my ears the close I got to the ground.

            “I’m sorry,” I mouthed as the last breaths of air past from my lips.

Reviews

[Rachel Koepke]

wow this was great I lov ur writing kelsey and this almost makes me want to jump off a roof it's so good.

[Notion]

Very suspenseful.

I wanted to keep reading but you ended it so quickly. I would like to hear more about her dad saving Casey.

I want to read more. Please continue ^___^

[Kelsey Desmond]

MIND SPELLIUNG/GRAMMAR! I'm still editing it...