Assimilation.

I don't know what this is. Venting? Relief? It's awkward on the tongue, I know. Forgive me.

I'm lock-a-bye baby, stuck in her sweet head --thick as mud.

Pull me up from my parent's bed, nightmares are for children, honey.

But I'm tethered to my pride, I'm wrapped, wracked, by my dependence.

So now here I am, locked behind bars I can't remember making.

See, I'm quiet touches, lonely birdsong, loud fleeting bursts of impulse;

A firecracker burning too low or too high--

Excitable, but detached.

I've been speaking foreign tongues since grade school,

Not knowing the why behind the how.

My hometown would feel like shaking a stranger's hand,

If it weren't for the hills and trees I know so well.

And that's my problem;

Trees are easy.

It's instinct, reading bark beneath my fingertips --easy and fluid.

But people?

They can't be read like rings in a stump,

So I can't read them at all.

My instincts are off --our hands don't fit when we shake.

I wish my heart would beat and bruise and swell like theirs.

But all I know are my palpitations and limitations --no. 

Frustrations.

I need to rip from me this disconnect.

Take from me this alien heart and these alien eyes.

Make me whole, make me human.

My heart doesn't know how to beat your way.

Fast, slow, in what shape are we supposed to grow?

How do we fill?

How do we taste?

Oh, what careful words my tongue can craft for strangers,

But what swollen, blubbery, beaten thing it becomes for those I recognize.

And I wish I could say it was love that made me stumble and swear.

I wish I had that understanding to spare.

And if there's one thing I've learned it's that you can't see the trees just from their shadows on your bedroom wall-- 

You can't look inwards for outside direction.

You can't spend too much time in your head or you'll get stuck,

And end up behind, not knowing the basics everyone else learned at five.

So, here I am, still stuck in my sweet head,

Good intentions running cold.

And I want out, I do, but I can't find the f*****g door,

I can't find the human heart,

I can't see the shared sight,

Or walk along the taken line.

Wanting does nothing but ache,

And aching doesn't help assimilate.

Author's Note

I don't know what this is.
Venting?
Relief?
It's not good, I know. It's not anything in particular, really. A little choppy, and awkward on the tongue.
But I need this to stay here.

Reviews

[Abyssmouse]

*takes a deep breath*

This is no review because I suppose there is nothing objective about it, but I have to say it - since there is no other way to share thoughts on something specific other than a review.
My perception of them and general value are miles upon miles beyond my grasp of reality obviously. I'm gonna stop thinking about it before these tics cause a cramp.
Your work is amazing.

Hang in there, or hopefully out of there.

[kelseyalexrose]

Thank you dearly, love.
And I wish you the same.