Lily flowers On a Quiet Evening

My first-ever attempt at poetry.

Lily flowers On a quiet Evening

Serene mist caresses
The lone lily flower
The quaint moon rises to meet the dancers dotting the chaotic sky
Twirling
Spinning
Across the murky pond
Dancers pirouette
On the endless
Bottomless surface

The lily flower struggles to stand
Against the plague of greed
The virus of treachery

But

Somehow
Miraculously
Survives to live another day

Reviews

[The Purple Kazoo]

really great poem. i love the way you separate "but" from the rest of the poem. one little word speaks for itself. also, the little bits of alliteration, purposeful or intended, give the poem a cool sound. keep it up!

i have a contest called "so you think you can personify?" and i would recommend submitting this to it. because you can definitely personify, and brilliantly. be warned, awards will be awarded by user votes, not me, so the outcome of the contest is not up to me. still, i think you have a really good chance.

[The Purple Kazoo]

i know i already reviewed it...just wanted to say good luck in the contest. XD

[Conversations Kill]

And that's a good thing, strength is crucial. Love the imagery.

[Pamela A. Lamppa]

Lovely imagery presented in this beauty.
It is amazing how nature survives, despite us. Nice work. ~Pamela

[Wildecat]

This is a really good poem, a definite pleasure to read your poetry.

[Shade334]

I love the way you've set up the poem visually; setting one word alone on some lines to emphasize them. and leaving but seperate from everything was pure genius. Makes the reader take a second and pause on the word. Forcing up not to rush through your poem and miss the point. Very amazing poem. Loved how you start with beauty and move to dark imagery and back to beauty. This poem is a work of art.

[Seracies]

I liked how you switched between this soft, serene imagery to a darker and for lack of a better word, uglier imagery. It was a nice poem, I enjoyed it.