Growing up

When did we grow up so fast?

When did our play dates

turn into rooftop meets

and when did our friendly love letters

turn into secret texts

when did the word sex

become such a common word

in our dictionary 

and lips on lips

was the easy thing to do

the acceptable, oh, that's fine,

When did our fruit punch  juice boxes

cheerfully sipped everyday 

turn into coke mixed with rum

or shots lined up with vodka tipping out of

the edges taken by us every night

when did the chocolate stains on our pleated

skirts turn into the alcohol stain on our

carpets in the hidden apartments we

sneak into

when did sneaking out and lying to our

parents become our nights

every night

when did "night" take on a whole new 

meaning and turned into something else

besides the usual darkness

when did darkness become an emotion

a pain

when did darkness become not 

something you can simply flip the switch and

fill with light

when did darkness become something

that grows inside of you, becomes a part 

of you

and stays within you

when did our thoughts turn into speeding 

trains with broken tracks that in order to

slow them down we blast music or sleep

for days

when did sleep become an escape zone 

when did we start needing to escape?

when did everything become so out of our

control that we give up ourselves to drugs

and people,

when did we start to look for ourselves

from under the pile of our own

destruction?

when did it become so easy to destroy

destroy

destroy.