Drown

A Story by Chara

Staring at the paper white ceiling shrouded by a curtain of desolation, a mixture of thoughts swirl in my mind. The tumultuous rhythm of my thoughts deprives me from obtaining the peaceful hum of rest, making it seem as if serenity’s just a pretense.

Every day, I keep on entering an arena, fighting battles that cannot be won.

“Is living worth the pain and agony?”

A deep sigh escaped from my lips as I felt my exhausted arms and legs scream in protest. To replenish my weakened state, I wandered around in search for a sanctuary. Relieved, after an hour, I heard the crashing water generated by the waterfall and I hastened my pace to rest on a boulder.

A distinct sound prompted me to halt. Dazed from weariness, I steadily traced the source. Dread came upon me as I saw a dog situated between the waterfall. Surrounded by raging water, droopy, pleading eyes met mine and the dog resumed its mourning howl. I appealed to the god, if ever there is, for a miracle to happen.

Nothing.

The bleak waters continue to clash upon its rear. A combination of exasperation and despair created a tumult in my heart for inadequateness slowly consumed me. I tried to let go of the anguish seeping from my raving heart as I watched the water rapidly devoured its impotent victim.

“If there is a God, why would you let an innocent creature go through a harrowing demise?”

Perturbed by the events that transpired, I lied on the ground and wailed in hopes of draining my emotions away.

Until today, that incident continue to haunt me like a crow feeding on the remaining carcass of hope. The feeling of hopelessness and guilt overlaid whatever joy I once felt.

“Am I still worthy of joy and all life’s pleasantries?”

“Am I still capable of doing great things?”

Depriving me from acquiring the peaceful hum of rest, the tumultuous rhythm of my thoughts continues to incarcerate my remorseful disposition, engulfing me in an endless abyss of desolation. Yes, I once dreamt of helping other people, to become a hero of the unfortunate, but my thoughts dissipate every optimism there is in my body for how can someone be a hero if they cannot even save their own selves?