Home, Sweet Home

On a very rainy night, only shivers embrace him.

The lightning drew a zigzag on the sky,

He covered his ears and began to sigh.

The thunder went rumbling through,

It will be raining, those were the clue.

And soon, a raindrop touched his cheek,

Washing off the dirt that stayed for more than a week.

His face pronounced a frown as bleak as the night,

As the rain came dripping into his sight.

He hurriedly ran from where he seated,

Placed his hands on top of his head,

Suddenly he stumbled upon a solid rock,

And his knees bled but he needed to go back.

He forgot his plastic bag, his only company.

There lie the cans and bottles he'll use to earn money,

He needed to get them before someone else does,

Since they were all that he has.

He felt his knees hurt from the stumble,

He saw it bleed, he felt feeble.

Luck teased him again; he found no shelter.

So he just put a carton on his head and sat on a corner.

How chilly the night was, he felt his jaws shake! 

His stomach was filled with hunger; his wound ached.

His clothes were now wet and the darkness made him feel gloomy,

He needed a home and family, yet his destiny was miserable as he.

Author's Note

What do you think of it?

Reviews

[Blue Ivory]

You might want to say "That was the clue" in the 4th line. And "his knees bled'* :)
There are a few other grammatical errors.
Anyway, this poem is deep and it's beautiful! Just fix the errors and you're good to go. I really like the way you told the story of a homeless guy. We cross them, but it doesn't strike us like it struck you so good work!

[Lunette Lariz]

Okay, okay. I'll check on those. Thank you. :)

[Phillitup]

This is very sad. However, it is also sad to say that this is true for some of the kids in our world. They don't have anything, much less enough. They don't have food on days of plenty, and no family to even comfort them. I wish more people would sit a night in their shoes, like you did in this beautiful poem. I must say, this is really good. The future in writing for you seems bright. Fabulous work!:)

[Lunette Lariz]

Thank you so much! :)

[Meallea Pomorette]

It reminds me of Crispin and Basilio of Noli Me Tangere...
It's now making me cry...
I can't bear to picture it...

This happens to people who are experiencing the reality of life...
I salute this poem...
I can't say anything anymore...

[Lunette Lariz]

Woooow. :") Thank you!! :)

Love this: "I can't say anything anymore..."

[Meallea Pomorette]

You're making me cry...
You're so mean..

[Lunette Lariz]

Yeah, I am mean. :)
Shhh, stop crying now. . . :)

[Meallea Pomorette]

You're so mean...

[Lunette Lariz]

I'll always be.. :)

[Meallea Pomorette]

^^^^ So true...

[Muhammad Qasim]

you have described one of the rising matters in our countries so nicely!! it is something destroying our youth and disrupting our economy .. these problems are something which are in urgent need to be taken care of!

[Lunette Lariz]

Thank you. :)

[Muhammad Qasim]

It was my pleasure : )

[Lunette Lariz]

:D

[MachinaWriter]

Been there, done that. You might like my poem, Concrete Cave, which talks of the same things, based off my own experiences. Really liked this piece, thanks for sharing ^^

[Lunette Lariz]

I must read that when I have my spare time. Thanks, by the way! :)

[MachinaWriter]

No problem, it was my pleasure ^^

[Lunette Lariz]

:)

[Ghost of Jupiter]

heartbreaking and yet so meaningful....it is a reality check indeed. Great piece!

[Lunette Lariz]

Thanks! :)

[C.C. Marx]

the emotion is very evident and powerful and I liked the rhyme pattern nice work :)

[Lunette Lariz]

Thank you! :)

[C.C. Marx]

your very welcome :)

[Zenithex]

Cool

[Lunette Lariz]

:)

[Markus Anthony]

this poem is a picture of misfortunes some of my countrymen are dying to escape. . Every time i read pieces like this, there is sorrow in my heart. This is an awakening. Good job there!

[Lunette Lariz]

Yes, I do know. :(
Thank you, btw! :D I appreciate it much.

[Tex]

How sad that every reader of this wonderful piece has seen this for themselves in their own country.

loved it.

[Lunette Lariz]

I know. :( Anyways, thank you! :)