Out of the Ashes Part I.

A Story by KayDee Rogers

A little introduction of myself, where I've been...

My life has been an ever evolving journey wrought with twists and turns. It was me against the world since I was a very little girl. I know I'm not the only one who struggled through a hellish childhood, but this is my story of my own private hell. I grew up feeling that my being alive was a mistake, due to the narrow-minded thinking and prejudice of the people who inhabited the small towns of the White Mountains of New Hampshire in the early 70's. I could never figure out what I did wrong. Why did parents not want me to play with their children? Why did they teach their children to hate to the extent I was beaten up and verbally abused on an almost daily basis? Why did the teachers condone this behavior in school and never stop it? Why did I feel like everything was my fault? So many questions with no answers forthcoming. I remember being six years old and crying in the classroom bathroom, praying to God to make me white, with blond hair and blue eyes. Then maybe I'd have friends and stop being abused. Funny thing was I never gave up trying to fit in and make friends. I maintained a friendly, sunny disposition so much so, my mother never knew what was happening. I never told her. She found out when I was nearly nine, in fourth grade, and it was March 1978. She pulled me out of school and we moved to Portsmouth, New Hampshire in June 1978. I passed into the fifth grade despite not finishing out fourth grade. Along with eternal optimism, God blessed me with intelligence, especially in English and writing skills.

Upon arriving in Portsmouth, NH, I suddenly had friends and was almost overwhelmed at the prospect! I became an immediate people pleaser, intent on keep my friends. My first 10 years alone meant I would do anything to keep my friends and I pretty much did over the years. I became a statistic at 15 years of age by having a baby girl. My mother made me place her for adoption and having no one else to help me, (once again), I had no choice. Luckily, it was an open adoption with parents I chose for her and I always was involved in her life and today we are still close and she is the mother of my only grandson. Losing her was a traumatic blow to me though and for a long time afterward, I cared not what happened to me and went on a self-destructive tear. It all came to a screeching halt when I learned I was expecting my first son at the age of 17. I was shocked and my mom actually thought for a moment I was going to relinquish this child too. I quickly set her straight there in the emergency room where I learned the results of my pregnancy test. I'd gone in with excruciating stomach pain and though I told them I'd already done a test (which I had a couple weeks prior), they thankfully insisted on a blood test. My stomach pains left as soon as they'd come while I was there. I believe it was God intervening to open my eyes to my situation, before I continued on with my partying ways and hurt the baby I was unaware of. I went on to have another daughter at 19 and another son at 21 and I shut down the factory immediately following his birth, tubes cut and tied! Much more drama occurred even before my last two children were born including the fact that I moved to Massachusetts when I 20 and have been here ever since. I will elaborate on those events and more when I resume with Part II of my story, "Out of the Ashes". I hope you will tune in for the next installment and thank you for reading my story.

© 2013 KayDee Rogers

Author's Note

I welcome your thoughts and views and this is not meant to be a feel sorry "for myself" story, it's just my story and I've survived it to arrive to a better place and how I got here. If anyone else can identify with it that's even better because I know I'm not alone. Thank you everyone!

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register

Reviews

Vidya Bacchus

Life is hard and there are so many trials we have to deal with.People can be unkind and pass it of as normalcy.You have been brave and I eagerly await part 2:)