fallen

this is the story of how i met her. you may call it luck, but i call it fate.

i had lots of doubts about love

when i was younger

i was constantly lonely and in fear of

being alone

i "dated" a few guys

and i guess they were alright

but i still couldn't find myself lost in their eyes

i still didn't get those stomach butterflies

i didn't understand why it wasn't like

the movies

i had more feeling and more love

for the people that never gave me a chance

never took time to look at the fragile girl

that was falling for them

and by the time i'd fallen, and deep

they had already walked away

they didn't stop to catch me

i didn't start thinking properly until highschool

and even then

i was still giving myself up

to people who didn't give a s**t about me

and not only with love, but with friendship

i was told i wasn't allowed

to be depressed

i was told i wasn't allowed

to be anxious

just because i lived in a household

not poisoned by drugs, abuse, or alcohol

i spent a year as a freshman figuring out

why i was so lonely

and i taught myself that i didn't need someone

to love

so the next year, when i was sent to a new school

i changed

i figured out that i was sick of boys

but i was still lonely

and in that lonliness i fell for someone new

someone that gave me hope

i was already falling

and i knew she was about ready to jump with me

but there were doubts

she was confused and by the time i had

jumped

she was still unsure about following me

that's when i started crying a lot

i wasn't able to control my emotions anymore

that's when i came out to my parents

and every day after school i would cry about it

they were supportive, of course

but i was still a little bit confused

after getting over that girl

who i realized i wasted so much of my time on

i started falling for someone else

she was kind and funny

and i envied how surrounded with friends she was

she had so much beauty in her smile

and i felt so powerless around her

it all started with a message on tumblr

and she answered back

i knew then we were both falling for each other

the first time i ever felt this way

we aimlessly walked about school

knowing we liked each other

but not doing anytrhing about it

until we went to a local fair

and i didn't hold her hand

and i didn't kiss her

and i didn't tell her i loved her

but we laughed and

we got to know each other

since then i knew i had found someone

worth falling for

that night i asked her out on facebook

which to this day i still think of as stupid

but the man working the ferris wheel

had broken my heart

when he said it was closing

and i had to hug her

goodbye

it escalated from there

we talked while i was on vacation for a week

unable to hold her in my arms

for the first time

but we made it work

i may have been hundreds of miles away

but i could still love her from there

when i came back, finally able to be by her side

we made the teachers insane

i don't blame them

it was pda afterall

she started kissing me, 

and i'd never kissed like that before

she started holding me,

and i never craved touch like hers before

and now we've been together for

almost 2 months

a short amount of time

that so much happened in

i like her a lot, i still do

but

i still get lonely

i still don't know how she can handle

my excessive paranoia

because when she's not in my arms

when hasn't talked to me for a day

when she misses a day of school

i get worried

more worried than i've ever been

maybe it's because i don't want to lose her

maybe it's because i've never had someone like her

maybe it's because

she's fallen along with me

and i don't want anyone to catch her

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems
maybe you guys could help me with wording and line breaks?
line breaks drive me a little crazy .___.