the power of presence

a page of scattered feelings

Power of Presence

The everyday life of a teenage relationship and friendship is filled many platforms of social media and I am active on all of them

But here's the secret: the power of presence is greater than any of these social medias

Specifically because the dimensions of a screen do not show effort, human emotion or the presence of a person

Tonight as i sat watching a movie behind my pretty white iphone  i was told to not show up at somebody's house because the boy i was bound to visit “ doesn't want to see me” and “it's a waste of my time”. However, a waste of my time is staring at the screen. So i get in my car with my mom in the passenger seat, i turn the music up and as my heart beats out of my chest i pound my foot  on the gas. With each turn my heart blasts out of my chest. 6 whole months of interactions on social media and texting and calling. So many fights, so many unanswered questions. As i am 15 minutes into the 20 minute drive the phone rings multiple times. It is obviously the boys telling me to not come. I went anyway.

The second i see his face and i look into his eyes and see his smile i know if i had stared at that screen for even a minute longer this person to person relationship would no longer exist. We sat on the couch across from each other. I told him i had nothing to say. we made small talk and everything i wanted to say i never said. He did most of the talking. I told him it was the first time in my life that I was speechless. he told me I am intimidating. I have never been prouder

He told me how much he misses me and how i look pretty in my signature sweatshirt and i smiled back, and the best part: he meant it. These words would have never been this genuine coming through a screen.

As he reached over for the first, the second,then third time to hug me, each time I resisted. I was strong, no longer interested.

I walked out with my eyes forward, I fell off the edge of the balcony, I knew not to look back.

I finally proved that I was something to fight for. The one that got away.