Stay Afloat

Here in the endless ocean of emotion we stand on the boat of lovers
Searching in all directions for an oasis were we can remove loves covers
We will travel together on this unpredictable ocean
And no treacherous actions will stop our devotion
We owe it to each other to continue this wonderful expedition
Unfettered emotions rising to the surface desperately seeking fruition
I look into your eyes and see your intense longing
To be together always looking to the horizon our hands thronging
The ocean rises again an impending tempest approaching
Crashing into us bringing negativity and despondency with doubt encroaching
But we stand tall in the face of this whirlwind
We will fight to prove there is no easy way to make our feelings rescind
When you look into my eyes you will see my determination
To fight off the fear and loathing and begin its cremation
The flames from its pyre will warm the heart and soul
And show that our halves have created a beautifully strong whole

Reviews

[Paul]

Documentation
1/27/2020
10:22 AM U.S.A. MST
This review content authored by PB Jacobs (www.writerscafe.org).
My review content of "Stay Afloat," by Mortimer Brewster (neato name).

You have a nifty rhythm pattern going on, I see... Cool...

Alright, from what I see, you have a thought going on that you are putting in a reflective writing form. I have an observation: Your work content looks like you are trying to be romantic. I wonder if you are a live type? I'm not sure, but I see the same cliche I see in a lot of other poetry. I'm not trying to insult you, I'm a blunt kind of reviewer, in way's...

You do have an in-depth thought going on, though that I like, even though, for some reason I feel distant from your content. I'm not sure what is going on with me.

Neato word choice, too. I see you have the hang of mental imagery and expression. That's not bad.

I'm not very emotionally into this kind of content, but I might be, someday...

It's kind of neat, to me, but do consider the source...


PB Jacobs

[Mortimer Brewster]

thank you for the comment, sorry it took so long to reply. Yes I purposely put the cliche parts in the poem to give the vibe of a hopeless romantic. by the way keep being blunt, not everyone will love you for it but they should respect you for it.