fred

i was 14 when i met you

i am now 16

and people may suggest

i am too young to feel this way

but you cannot put an age on love

as it has been said many times before

i hated you when i met you

you were so rude

so arrogant

and naturally

i had to have you

so i brushed off other’s warnings

you were a bad idea

and i was notorious for giving into those

looking back now

i should have ran as fast as i could

we weren’t together for long

but that’s okay

because it took me no time to fall for you

everything about you

the way you looked at me when i was

consumed in something else

the way you smoked your cigarettes

and would put it between my lips

when i wouldn’t even ask for a drag

the way you cuddled me until i fell asleep

even though you complained about it getting too hot

you didn’t mind because it was only temporary

and you just wanted to make me happy

at least i think

i never thought i could love anything

as much as i loved you

until one day

you introduced me to the one you loved

that was not me

you seductively slid the needle into my arm

and i swear all my worries

just floated away

and my head was clouded with pure beauty

i felt like i was on a cloud

and this was what we would become

these drugs would consume us

and when we couldn’t have them

we would fight

oh my god would we fight

i remember the time i tried to leave

because we disagreed on what to watch on tv

and you blocked the door

and i hit you

so you gave me a concussion

but then we did some pills

and made love until sunrise

then everything was okay

but my head still hurt a little, baby

those three months we spent together

were so hauntingly beautiful

the way we tore each other down

stripped one other of any dignity

or individuality

that was gone

we became one person

we became one with those drugs

but i was starting to run out of veins

to slide the needle in

i was starting to look bad

and feel it, too

baby, why can’t i eat?

i would ask you

baby i’m so hungry but i am so sick

please pass me a cigarette

i love you so much

baby please tell me why i feel this way

baby, it’s just the dope

you would say

baby, you’ll be okay

here, lay your head down

so i did

i trusted you

my world revolved around your words

everything you spoke

was so right

my mom soon found out

how we were hurting each other

she thought it was one sided

she thought you were just hurting me

she said we needed to move

far far away

i cried

and i cried

and i cried some more

and you were so angry

but baby please

if you’re reading this

please know it wasn’t my fault

you and i

were supposed to be forever

and maybe we made some mistakes

but i know we could’ve gotten better

i never meant

for any of this to happen

i am so sorry

it has been nearly 2 years since i have seen you

yet you cross my mind everyday

every song

reminds me of you

every boy i meet

i absolutely hate

because i just wish they were you

every time i hear a knock on the door

i foolishly think it’s you

and that you’ll sweep me off my feet

and tell me you’re sorry

to have kept me waiting

but you’re here now

and we’re in love

and that’s all that matters

i have come to realize

i will never have you back

and i feel a lump forming in my throat

as i admit that in writing

because that confirms it

it annihilates

any hopes i had

and will probably continue to have

despite the fact

that you have a new girl

that you love

more than you ever loved me

i will now move forward with my pathetic life

i will try to make something of myself

but never will i ever

love anyone the way i loved you

i will never be able to make love to anyone

the way i made love to you

you have taken such a big piece of me

and i don’t know how i will go on

i will live my everyday life

and go to college

get a job

maybe even get married

but nothing i endure in my life

will compare to how i felt

during those 3 months

you showed me what passion was

you showed me love

acceptance

hatred

drugs

and i miss it

god, do i miss it

i miss you

Author's Note

this is about two years old. things have changed, but this poem needs to be read by any girls who are wrapped up in what they think is love to see someone for who they truly are.