A Story Within a Story

The Beginning

This story begins within the walls of a castle.

 

Long ago there was a king, his queen, and their only daughter, living happily in their castle. They were respected for their rule of the eastern kingdom because they ruled with fairness and harmony. The king was the bravest and wisest man in the kingdom.

The Queen, were the kindest, and the most beautiful woman on their land. And the Princess, who inherited both her parents traits.

 

They lived happily with all the people, before that incident happened.

 

A serious epidemic outbreak, made everyone weakened to the bones. People were suffering all around, with no definite age, including the royalties.

 

No cure was found no matter how hard they looked for it.

 

As days passed by and the people gets weaker and weaker, the news about the epidemic flew by to other kingdoms. 

 

The neighboring kingdom, the kingdom of the west, who has been eyeing the kingdoms resources, heard about the news, and then started to rally.

 

And within the month, they were able to conquer the kingdom. The people who tried to protect their kingdom were killed on sight, the same as the king who tried to protect the people. The queen, tries to save everyone, and evacuated the people inside the castle, and barricaded themselves.

 

Within a week, their resources were drained, putting the people to starvation. The queen ended up dying because of the epidemic, giving all the responsibilities to the sole royalty, the Princess.

 

Without having options left to them, the Princess is forced to relinquish their kingdom to their enemy. Without mercy, they buried all the people who have the epidemic, alive. 

 

The only people left were the princess, and a few youngsters who were resistant to the epidemic. They were stripped from their rights, and became slaves. Those who resisted were tortured to death.

 

They treated the princess much worse though.

 

She became a slave just like others, but every mistake she made or even her standing idly, they punished her scarring her beautiful skin. Every time they hit her, she tries to withstand the pain, thinking of a way to set her people free. She withstood all the pain within the 5 years of mistreatment.

 

And finally, that fateful day came, as she found the answer.

 

 

A prince from another kingdom came to the kingdom of the east for political marriage.

 

The one who currently owns the castle is the princess of the west,

 

The ruler of the west can’t leave their kingdom unattended, giving the rights of the castle to their only child.

 

The princess of the west doesn't know how to rule a kingdom, that’s why they are looking for a consort who could rule the land.

 

The prince was raised to be a true ruler. A kind and gentle person, who helps and protects the people, no matter who and what they are.

 

The confrontation day came, and the princess of the west and the prince meet up.

 

The princess of the east was there, as a servant maid to the soon-to-be queen.

As the princess of the west, saw how good looking the guy is, she immediately tries to flirt him.

 

She speaks words like a girl in a back alley, so desperate for sex.

She tries to make her clothes look skimpy, revealing a little cleavage in between her breast.

 

But the guy pays no heed to her.

 

More than that, he looked to the girl standing next to her, wearing ragged clothes, chains on her wrist, dirt and blood all over her skin, and scars from her legs, to her arms, and some to her face.

 

He looked to her with pity, as the girl’s eyes looked lifeless, just waiting for her life to end.

 

The princess of the west saw how the prince looked to the servant, and not her.

 

She tries to embarrass the girl, punishing her in front of the prince.

 

It was a stupid idea. 

 

As the princess of the west, took out her whip, the girl involuntarily tries to protect herself, putting her hands up to protect her head.  The guy suddenly jump over her, to cover her, and ended up hurting himself.

 

The princess of the west realized what she done. She tries to blame it to her, grabbing the servant’s right arm, but the prince stopped her.

 

He defended her, going in between the two of them, the girl being hidden by his tall structure.

 

The guy said to her, “I’m fine. I’ll take care of it” even though the guy was angry on how they mistreated their servants. He have to stay composed, otherwise, their kingdoms might ended up in a war.

 

He tries to convince everyone with a smile, and took the servants arm, forcing her to follow him.

 

They walked endlessly to the large halls of the castle, and stopped when they arrived on a botanical garden.

 

He releases her from his hold, and looked to her with a concern face.

 

She said to him, “I don’t need your help.” Looking at him with a stern face and with eyes of determination, she continued, “That was really stupid! Why would you try to hurt yourself just to save a measly life?”

 

The guy said to her, “I can’t stand seeing a person getting hurt right in front of me. And why did you also allow her to hurt you?”

 

She looked away and then the girl took a deep breath and put a hand on a heart, as she remembered a painful distant memory.

Author's Note

Words: 931

Reviews

[ChangeofHeart]

I found myself absorbed into the storyThe story succeeded in getting me emotionally invested .

[kclyaine]

Thank you for reading my story, eventhough it sucks, I hope you enjoyed it.

[jeannemarie coulter]

interesting tale in need of some grammatical editing...ex:"Long, long time ago. There was a king, a queen, and their only daughter, living happily within the castle. People respected the Royalties for they rule the kingdom of the east with fairness and harmony. The King, whom they respected, is the bravest and the wisest person among the other."
Long ago there was a king, his queen, and their only daughter, living happily in their castle. They were respected for their rule of the eastern kingdom because they ruled with fairness and harmony. The king
was the bravest and wisest man in the kingdom.

i think you will find it reads more smoothly as i edited...blessings to you and keep writing

[kclyaine]

It will be really hepful, if you can help me edit the rest. I won't let you down random stranger. :)

[Church]

I found myself absorbed into the story. Unfortunately, it was brought to an abrupt and confusing end. Likely because of the maximum word count, I assume.

The story succeeded in getting me emotionally invested with the princess of the east, but that was all. I would've liked to see the relationship with her parents and her kingdom fleshed out more. Perhaps there could've been more detail, allowing the story to end with the tragic death of the Queen..

In any case, I read the entire story and enjoyed it.

[kclyaine]

Thanks for reading. I actually explained the relationship between the two kingdoms, in my completed one, that I should really need to published but haven't found any good research material to end the story. Though I'm not sure if it would be quite enjoyable but please continue reading the rest, when I published it, and tell me what you think.

[Church]

Certainly. I joined to get feedback on my work as well. Let me know when it's published.

[Kain Delo]

But this looks like a poem.

[kclyaine]

No matter how I look at it, it doesn't look like a poem. Maybe, some of the words rhyme to each other, but this is obviously a story.

[Kain Delo]

I'm all for the journalistic approach of one paragraph consisting of one sentence but only it just makes the story look like an anorexic summary of some unimportant event of the past that one would read about in a decrepit, abandoned history book.

[❀Subaru_Nyaa!
..]

is a bravest = "THE"

they looked or search for it. = Stick with only one, they basically mean the same thing

The neighboring kingdom, the kingdom of the west, who has been eyeing the kingdoms resources, heard about the news, and then started to rally. And within the month, they were able to conquer the kingdom. = I don't have an experience about conquering a kingdom but I played a game and conquered the world, anyway, no King in a right mind will conquer a kingdom that is currently suffering from an epidemic. Also, getting their resources, that is a bad bad plan

The queen, tries to save everyone, and evacuated the people inside the castle, and barricaded themselves. = Not a great plan

The queen ended up dying in the epidemic = Dying because of the epidemic

Those who resisted were tortured and beaten to death. = Again, stick with one thing, beating is part of the torture

hand on a heart. = hehehee....what?

[kclyaine]

The First and Last sentence can't be change. The rest of it, yes. And the reason why they are suffering isn't written here. The girl was about to explain everything, I mean, seriously everything. And yes, you are correct about the resources part, but the reason they still continued to attack is also being explained by the girl. For the queen part, I did that on purpose. I should probably post the whole story.