He Who Plays with Her Mind

This is a short story about a girl who has been through hell and back with a guy and just as she's starting to get over him she's stuck thinking about that one big question again.

I just wanna know why I’m not good enough. I know he’s scum, but if he’s such a lowlife then how does he not see me as the best thing that happened to him? How can he see the scars on my arms and not feel guilty. How could he watch me drink and not feel like the reason why? How? How could he have me wake up in his bed and later that night have the nerve to ask me to drive him to a date? Did he think I wouldn’t find out? I will never understand why I’m not good enough, and somehow someone like his ex he still has feelings for, and a girl he barely knows are still more of a priority than me. The girl he claims to care so much about and wants so badly as his friend he treats like this. The girl whose heart he broke and life he ruined. I know I shouldn’t care, but these kinds of thoughts mess with you. Because how can somebody treat a person like that if there was nothing wrong with them? It feels like I’ve been cheated on, but not physically. Emotionally. I feel emotionally cheated. He played with my brain and knew all the problems I went through. He knew everything and yet continued to tear my heart into smaller and smaller shreds. How can I trust someone again? After I’ve been put through hell and back. Yes it was my choice to go back, but how do you not when you were so madly in love with the person and they’d welcome you back with open arms? It makes you feel like they want you back, and maybe this time it’s different. But it never is. Never will be. But I just still want to know the answer to that big haunting question: Why was I not good enough?