Orlando's Fate Part 1/8

This is chapter one of the ballad I am now writing. It has eight parts total, and tells a tale of a beautiful love that turned cold after an unfortunate death.

To pierce her chest with loves own blade

The girl never did mind

Because the haunting memories

Of love made her go blind

She tried to wander back to life

The cold of night set in

The miracle of choosing death

Became her only friend

If only he was there to halt

And stop the wounded bride

Maybe they’d mature in love

 With compassion on their side

The future hurts for broken hearts

True love froze in the past

There comes a time when it all breaks

For hate is made to last

Time is turned to when in life

The maiden was her own

The many lads would come to her

None she'd want to know

Until the day he came along

And tore her life apart

She watched betrayal come to life

And eat away her heart

So now he sits here wondering

Why she let death set in

To love and hold the maiden fair

And overcome his sin

In her heart there is a story

Of why the ending came to be

Lost in time the answers show

Where the wicked are meant to see

Author's Note

this is part 1 out of 8 of the ballad. This can be considered the introduction.

Reviews

[Trigorin]

This isn't a bad start, but I'd advise not using Shakespearean language (that 'thy' in the first line) unless you're going to do it throughout the whole piece. It just looks a little silly otherwise and doesn't really add all that much to the narrative.
You have a good concept here and you've expressed yourself well. I would have liked to have seen a bit more vivid imagery here but either way, this is still well-written.