The Everafter

Inspired by the book titled "The Everafter". Picture taken from mythical-world-at-war.webs.com

The laugh
Cold an humourless
Seems to only be there to break the silence
That filled the air around us
Though the sound emerging from her lips so sudden
My heart skips one beat

Her sanity
Already left her
Slowly dripping away for years
Long before I met her

If I never intruded her life
Would she be this way
But that was never an option
Nothing I do
Can ever change that

Everything we lost
Taunts us here
Leaving us grasping for the few shreds
Of life we have left
But the one thing I have yet to see
Is how I lost my life
My death

She raised the gun
The barrel gleaming
Shoots me
Then turns to you
And we fall
Together

Together
Since we fell in love
Everything we lost
We lost together
And now together we part
Into the Everafter

Reviews

[JRB]

great write and read ty

[SheActsLikeSummer]

This is beautiful and enchanting. I haven't used that word in a really long time, enchanting, I mean, but that's the word that comes to my mind when I read your poem. It's gripping and eerie and alluring and elegant. Very, very well done.

[Kelsy]

Of life we have left...
Nice poem and reflective.Good job!

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Wow, this is a dark and amazing piece! I completely love the last stanza. That stanza to me is so beautiful to me. Keep writing, you have talent :)





Ashley Rivers--Dream BIG and you'll win BIG:)

[Lily]

Wonderful!
Keep on writing more
It's so emotional and dark!

[Owlgirl]

WOW! The last stanza is my favorite, but the whole poem is so powerful and moving, it's amazing! Suspense built up as I read this exceptional poem, it's very well written, an amazing write!

[loading...]

this was amazing...i love it....the last two stanzas were my favorite. my only problem is that there seems to be some issues with the tense of some lines. it actually adds some suspense. I don't know if you intended that or not, but its working now that i read it over :)

I really felt the emotion in this one, although you didn't go on about it. It was subtly woven in there, and was very effective. great job!!

[None]

This is really good. I like the situation and the ending. Very dramatic and strong. There are a few mistakes like line two: "Cold an (and) humorless." I think this poem has the beginnings of being a really tight, suspenseful read. My only suggestion: read through it and tighten up the language, grammar, and flow. I am not clear on the speakers relationship to the insane one, and I'm not aware that there are three people until the end. The story telling is superb here, just clarify the characters a bit to show us why we care for who and why.

Great write. :)

[thehottamale]

wow, this was really good, well written, sad but sometimes that's just how life is, you really get into the mind of those with problems almost like a psychologist. Maybe that is your true calling, lol.

[Lydia]

Intense and sad. Well written!