My Father's Love Has A Black Heart

My Father’s love has a black heart,

It’s shallow and cold like her soul,

And I wonder why he stays as if he’s not smart,

Because he’s dancing on a terrain of scorching coal.

Her eyes can see everything you do,

They follow you into your dreams,

Her voice is thunderous and all around you,

As it slowly tears you apart at the seams.

A foggy mist fills the room,

As she walks in drawing everyone’s eyes,

Not knowing that she’ll be their doom,

They listen and crave for all of her lies.

Even now my father is blind of her ways,

As she starts the countdown of his days.

Reviews

[Zan]

That's really good! I honestly can't find anything that you could make better - oh, except the fourth line seems like it has too many syllables. Perhaps I'm not reading it with the emphasis on the right word? Just something to think about :)