Chapter One

What is happiness? People say that it is when you get a warm feeling in your stomach or butterflies. But I question, what is it like to feel butterflies in your stomach? It seems like a dumb comparison to me, but how would I know? I haven’t felt the feeling of happiness in a long time.

A series of dongs went off in the distance, one-two-three,  I opened my eyes after accepting the fact that tonight will be once again, a sleepless night. I rolled over on my side to look out the slightly open window that sat lazily on the blue wall. The night was lifeless and quiet besides for the echos from the church bells three blocks away, on the street with the boarded up houses and littered lawns. It was one of those forgotten places in the town, where everyone pretends it was never there, except on Sundays where the people lined the doors of the big red and brown brick building. Raspberry bushes lean up against the side of the church wall. The last time I remember it producing any berries, though, was when I was eight and little girl named Liliana, who used to live next door to me in the blue house, and I snuck away from Sunday service and stained our white dresses in their purple juices. Boy, was our parents mad. Social services took her away two years later because her father was hit by a man who had been filling his stomach with cheap vodka, a few days later her mother started eating her depression pills like M&M’s, and that ended with her leaving Liliana and her 6 month old little brother in the hands of their grandmother three states away. I haven’t had many friends since then, I guess it’s because I never have motivation to do much anymore, whenever friends used to ask to hang out I made excuses saying things like “my parents said I couldn’t” or “I had too much homework.” I don’t know why I didn’t want to hang out with them, I just prefer to to stay in my room.

My room is nothing very special, I don’t come from a wealthy family so I don’t have all of the luxury items that some say they can’t live without. My room is small, and the walls are painted blue like the morning sky in June, but you can’t see them very well because they are covered in pictures I find on the internet and other things I cut out and decided to add. My computer desk sat on the left wall next to my small sliding door closet. My single sized bed with a black cloud-like comforter sets in the far corner next to a window that outlooks my the street. Sometimes I lay there on the weekends and play games with my self. “How many squirrels can you find in a day?”, “How many red cars will drive by?”, and my favorite “What’s their story?” I like watching people walk by, studying their movements like a lion studies their prey. I watch closely and try to imagine who they really are when people are not around. Do they dance when they are alone? Do they cry at night? Do they skip a meal or two each day to try to reach that unrealistic beauty portrayed in magazines?

Like me for example. You wouldn’t be able to guess who I really am. At school I walk down the hallways, smile at my friends, or the people who think I’m their friend at least, and I seem “happy”. No one would be able to guess that when I walk out those poorly painted blue doors that there is a monster living inside of me eating me away little by little everyday day.

I started hearing noises downstairs, light bangs and tapping like a raccoon trying to find food. I turned away from the window that was now letting a cool light breeze into my hot room. I awoke my Ipod and looked at the time, 5:18.

“Great.” I sighed, another night of no sleeping.

I sat up and my bed groaned in protest. Oh how I wish I could just have one night of rest. I stood up and stretched and watched for a moment as the sun began to rise, leaving a striped pattern across my floor with its yellowish glow. Walking over to my closet I grabbed a towel off my computer chair and grabbed a pair of jeans and my favorite band T-shirt. I quietly opened my door and peeked out. When I saw the coast was clear I scurried across the hall to our small bathroom and shut the door. I set my clothing on our yellowish tinted sink and turned on the shower. While I waited for the water to heat up I began to undress myself, I looked at myself in the long mirror that hung on the dark brown wood door. Slowly my eyes traced my body, a body that was not mine anymore, it now belonged to the monster. I stepped away from the mirror, disgusted and sad with what I saw. The bathroom began to steam from the heat of the shower, I stepped in and winced, the water felt like lava against my skin, but that feeling only lasted a moment, I love the heat of the water, it makes me feel clean and relaxed. I stood there for a while, enjoying the feeling of the water washing away my problem. For a moment, I forgot about the monster. I felt like I was in my own world and I let myself drift away.

I was shook out of my daze when I heard banging on the door.

“Aurora! There are other people in this house to! Hurry up!”

Annoyed, I began to wash my hair quickly, so I could comply to Kaden's demands.

My mother and father divorced when I was eleven , and two years later my mother remarried a man named Jeff, who already had a thirteen year old son named Kaden, like his father Kaden has always been tall for his age, now he stands a 6’2, towering a foot above me. My father went off to the New York area and I only hear from him on my birthday. It was hard adjusting at first but Kaden and I used each other for support, especially when things got bad. We used to be really close and did everything together, that is until last year when Kaden began distancing himself from everyone. Maybe it was the stress that got to him, maybe not. But whatever it was, we haven’t seen or spoken to each other since, besides the occasional walking by him or angry remarks.

I washed the rest of the conditioner out of my hair and turned off the water. I quickly dried myself off and wrapped my hair in the towel and got dressed. I opened the door and saw Kaden leaning up against the wall next to my bedroom door with his arms crossed, looking annoyed. His dark brown hair was a mess and his green eyes were glazed over from just awakening from his slumber.

“It’s about damn time.” He spat out and shoved me out of the way to get in the bathroom. I rubbed my arm and walked back into my room to finish getting dressed and ready for school. I threw on a light sweatshirt and put on some make up. When my hair was done drying it I brushed it quickly and grabbed my school things and walked down stairs. Each stair creaked under my feet and the railing felt cold, despite the warm night. I quietly passed the kitchen, hoping to just quietly leave without being noticed. The floorboard under me groaned loudly and I froze for a moment.

“Kaden?” A deep raspy voice roared through the still house.

“No Jeff, it’s me. I’m leaving to school now.”

“Come here.” He demanded.

“I really should go.”
“Come here!” he demanded again, his voice louder. I flinched and quietly walked in the living room with my head down.

He sat in a dull maroon colored recliner, facing away from me, watching the muted images pass on the small TV screen. I approached slowly and carefully the hair standing up on my neck.
“Get me a beer.” He said and slammed an empty beer can on the little table next to him.

I looked up at the wall clock on the wall against the TV.

“But It’s almost 6:30...”

“I said get me a beer!” He whirled around quickly in the chair. Sweat dripped down the side of his red forehead from his balding head. I quickly walked to the other room and opened the fridge. I rummaged around for moment and grabbed the icy can. I walked back in a set it on the table and quickly turned and walked out the door before I had to deal with him anymore. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and began typing a message to Kaden.

“Jeff’s drunk again, good luck.” sent.

Reviews

[Kevin Moldenhauer]

Overall it is interesting and I can feel Aurora and her depression and unhappiness. It may be because I too suffer with depression that it jumped out at me.

You need to edit for past tense mixing with present tense. You are describing the room and some things are past tense as if they had once been there but are no longer.

Some minor grammar corrections needed, but not bad at all.