Learning Compatibility

In my creative writing class, we've been discussing types of creative nonfiction. This piece is written in the way of an instruction manual/tutorial on love or my version of love.

Chapter 1: Introductions

 

Relationships, all relationships, start off with some sort of introduction. You can introduce yourself, someone can introduce himself or herself to you, or someone can introduce somebody to you. The introduction my boyfriend and I shared was less than romantic. In fact, I wanted nothing to do with him. 

 

- Assumptions

 

We met on the first day of college during the freshmen transitions. He assumed due to our complaining that we had something in common. He assumed I'd been to a party less than 24 hours after moving into college. He assumed I already knew his name because of his chicken-scratch written nametag he was wearing. I assumed I'd never talk to him again. 

 

Chapter 2: The Building Blocks

 

A week later we were hanging out pretty much every day. Our relationship had been established on the foundation of friendship. We shared our interests. I shared my dreams. He criticized my poor taste in men, while I pretended he was wrong. 

 

- Questions

 

"You like me, don't you?"

My text went unanswered for a few minutes. I lay up in my uncomfortable loft in the darkness, scrolling through the two social media apps on my phone while I wait for a reply. 

"Uh...no! Maybe, yes. Why do you think that?"

A week later on a bus ride to Chicago with my art class that he was supposed to come on, I asked the question,

"So, are we going to date or not?"

 

Chapter 3: Relationship Types

 

I'd never been in a relationship before. I'd never even had my first kiss, but here I was pretending I knew what I was doing in a relationship. To me, this relationship we had was a trial. I didn't like-like him, but I didn't want to just be friends either. 

 

- The "I like you, but not really" Relationship

 

We were in his dorm room, 266, lying up in his bed watching American Horror Story. It was our one-month anniversary and I knew what was coming and I didn't want it to happen. I was still deciding if I liked him or not. He peppered me with gifts for our anniversary: a dozen roses, candy and a Disney guitar book because he knew how much I adored Disney. We walked into the dorm hallway and my heart was pounding. We stood there for a minute and said goodnight. 

"I'm going to kiss you."

He only announced this because I'd told him prior to dating to warn me before he made any sort of move. 

"No you're not."

I ran down the hall to my room, 214, locked myself in the bathroom and cried. He sent me an apology text. 

 

Chapter 4: Decision Making

 

I made the decision to talk to him. I made the decision to ask him to be my boyfriend. I made the decision to reject his kiss. 

 

- The Big Decision

 

As I was packing up my dorm room a month later for Thanksgiving break, I'd decided I was FINALLY ready for my first kiss. We both expressed how we suddenly felt anxious and how warm the room had gotten all of the sudden. When we walked down to my car I told myself,

"You're going to do this."

We loaded up my car and I could feel my stomach anxiously awaiting the upcoming moments. We stood in front of the freshmen-dining hall and I looked down. 

"So, are you going to do something?" 

I didn't know how to initiate I was ready. He took my hands and I wanted to cry. So many times we laid in the dorm beds I thought, I'll just peck him on the lips really quick. What's the big deal? 

"I'm going to do it wrong." 

That was the last thing I said before we kissed. The quickest, littlest peck. That night when I got home, I told him I loved him. 

 

Chapter 5: Reality

 

After that first kiss, I had to mentally prepare myself anytime we kissed. That's how big of a deal it was for me. I had to remind myself that we always kissed goodnight. I'd have to prepare a good ten minutes in advance and sometimes I'd fake being asleep because I was so nervous to kiss him or that I'd mess something up. Eventually I'd ask him if I was allowed to kiss him and if we could kiss anytime we wanted. 

 

- I'm In Love

 

In January, 4 months into our relationship, I had to take him to the ER. He had to get his appendix removed and that's when I realized how much I truly loved him. He wasn't in a life-threatening situation, but having to go back to the dorm that night by myself was an eye-opener. We went to his house that weekend and I cried when I couldn't snuggle with him because he was in too much pain. I cried in the dining hall at school when he told me he might have to go home for a few weeks until because he was sore and couldn't sleep. I hadn't realized how much of an impact he'd had on my life until he was gone for a few days or weeks. 

 

Chapter 6: Years 1-2

 

He put up with a lot; school, family, but most importantly me. I am so full of anxiety and depression that it's a miracle he hasn't left me yet. I'm also the biggest cling I know, but still, he stayed. 

 

- 1

 

Our first year together was full of ups and downs. We went home during the summer, only seeing each other on weekends and it took a toll on him and me. I was in a full downward spiral and had to be put on anti-depressants and he had to deal with me crying and attacking him daily. He never gave up on me. He was always by my side. I got drunk for the first time when I was 19 and he stayed with my all night, making sure I was okay. 

 

We went to Disney World together. Then to Tennessee. We spent nights watching 30 Rock and shooting bb's at tin cans. He bought me a rabbit in the fall to help me cope with all my demons. 

 

 

- 2

 

Our second year together was better. Significantly. We stayed at the same apartment over the summer. We both turned 21 and spent our time down at breweries with our friends. Our friend's got engaged after having dated for two years. I felt happy for them, but also sad. I wanted to be engaged, but he said we're too young. 

 

Chapter 7: The Future

 

In two weeks it will be 3 years since we started dating. I don't know what the future holds and either does he. But one thing we both know for sure is that I don't hate him anymore.     

Reviews

[M P Ramesh]

kaylahardy120,

The hate and love are really the different sides of same disc.The issue is that we must be able to differentiate them. It is now done away with as above.

good attempt indeed.....

the future is definitely within your hands....stitch the hands tightly . You have a long way to stride on

carry on.............

mp

[kaylahardy120]

Thanks for your comment. This is actually a true story so none of it is made up or trying to send any sort of message...

[SAMBATH P V]

Your writing style is amazing, keep it up.