Karma

Karma.

She has her hands on my neck,

Choking me.

I can't breathe.

Seeing black.

Darkness.

Falling unconscious.

Its caught me.

I slowly drift away.

No one can save me.

I'm alone.

Reviews

[kaylabear500584]

ohh i never thought of that. it just sounded right in the poem. thank you, i will edit that part.. lol thank you for the great criticism(:

[José Humilde]

Very nice. If I believe right, we are seeing the personification of Karma.

I like the use where you chose to cut off and start your new lines.

in example:

...hands on my neck,
Choking me.


I think this is something that this poem is something that you can work on in the future.

In one part of the poem you go into darkness...move on a few lines, and then there is "Its dark now."

If you were already seeing black and darkness, how can you be again, In darkness now, again?

I think this is just something that you could clear up to make this poem a bit stronger.

Thanks for the great piece.

[kaylabear500584]

Thanks(:

[♥SunkissAngel♥]

This is a good peice it has a great story line to it... good job...