My EYES

My EYES 

My eyes show the pain I have!

My eyes show the side of me that no one ever really sees. 

My eyes show how my walls are being broken down!

My eyes show all my insecurities.

My eyes show all the neglect.

BUT when i close my eyes no one can see all the pain!

When i close my eyes im leaving reality.

When i close my eyes i'm leaving all the pain and hate behind.

BUT in time i will soon have to open my 

EYES!

Author's Note

Please give me all your honesty! I just wanna make my writing better !!
Thank you (:

Reviews

[HopelessRomantic]

I love it, I like how the eyes have so many different metaphors behind them

[khalid]

it is good but...repeating phrases may make the reader feel time waste reading the same thing in each line such as repeating my eyes show in five lines..

[....]

powerful emotional write, nicely expressed

[A Jainam Mehta]

your words and thoughts are appreciable. try to maintain some rhyme next time.

[Trusting]

Okay, from an 11 year old probably getting published's pov. I say it could use a TINY bit of work. You have the perfect story line but you need to embrace it. Like, describe the pain. Does it feel like claws tearing your flesh? Are you feeling trapped, like no one can hear you? Do you feel better when you close your eyes? ect.
Good start though!