losing sight

I guess I knew I wasn't happy anymore when the things that used to pull memory capturing laughs out of me,now pulled breathless laughs that taunt me to let what is on the inside, explode out. Breathless laughs that sit on my tear-stained lips waiting to fool the next oblivious person. But that's not what drains me, what drains me is watching the lively person I used to be, slowly losing grip of that. it's like sea water running through your fingers except worse, sea water leaves dry salt, it leaves a reminder of it's presence. I am struggling to find any sign that life once lived in these tired bones. I am a hostage of the wreck that life warns you it can cause.

Reviews

[Don't just B, but B ama..]

A very good job of making us feel the depression blanket us as we read further. Something I TOTALLY can relate too, as most. Wonderful work, NEVER GIVE UP!! My poems and Google+ and YouTube channel are the same as my name here, my stories and offering's of HOPE. Thanks, all your work I have read so far is good.

[Emily]

A beautiful poem of struggle. I believe you can be strong and keep going. Good work!

[krystle]

thank you and I believe that too! thanks again

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem told of a lot of struggle. Hard sometime to see reasons to be strong. The tone of the poem is accepting the situation and not able to find good reason or purpose to rise up. But we must. I like the old wisdom. The farther you fall. The easier to rise up. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[krystle]

thank you so much for your review and your words

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[MomzillaNC]

This puts me in mind of poem I read once that said something about being shipwrecked on the shore of Life. It's hard to decide to abandon ship, even when you're already being tossed on the rocks.

NOTES: I recommend a different font face (maybe Helvetica bold) and a larger font size, and to left justify the paragraph.

[krystle]

yes definitely, thank you!

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

[Mila]

Very nice fragment of prose. Shows that a lot of words are not needed to portray a thought or paint a picture.

A few notes

1. "me,now pulled breathless laughs that taunt me to let what is on the inside, explode out" this part is a tad confusing. I had to read through it a few times. Consider revising?
2. "the lively person I used to be, slowly losing grip of that." maybe put an "and" after the comma, otherwise it disrupts the flow.
3. "that. it's" capitalize the "It's" since it's the beginning of the sentence.

Like I said, a nice prose fragment here. I really liked it and the feelings were definitely real.
Well done!

-Mila

[krystle]

thank you!

[Pushkar Prabhat]

just like talking to self, in the mirror.
very well put........life wrecks, sometimes.
i loved it!!!!
:)

[krystle]

thank you i'm glad!

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome.............. :) :)

[Leslie Philibert]

Clever prose fragment...well written

[krystle]

thank you!

[Tomorrowneverknows]

I am very reflective in front of your words. There is a spiritual restlessness, a bitter memory and a terrible inner struggle when you write:

"I am struggling to find any sign that life once lived in these tired bones "


I do like it, very good job.

- Jesus

[Haley Wilson]

Wow this is really good! I love the sea water analogy especially, this sounds like something I would write haha. :)

[krystle]

thank you :)