Broken Boy

The boy gets up and goes to school
He struggles to make it through the day
There's so much pressure to be "cute"
It's all about looks not what you have to say
Some boys they laugh and call him names
There words they hurt so bad
They cannot see the damage and pain
There words stick with him day after day
It gets harder and harder to deal with
How will he make it
There is no way for the holes in his heart to heal
But he puts on a mask
So they don't know the things that are hidden inside
How can people be so cruel
There's so many nights he cried
It won't stop
The pain won't end
It will all stay with him for years
All he wants is one true friend
And an end to all these tears

Reviews

[Yari Garcia (Older Prof..]

Very simple poem. I can remember that school angst, although I can't really relate to it anymore.

[kayamon215]

thanks :) and yeah i'm not in school anymore but i wrote this at a time i was

[InsanityWriter]

So sad. :( Beautiful poem though.

[kayamon215]

thank you :)

[-----]

Such sadness. The terrible behavior of others is a reflection of their own inner darkness. Don't let it affect you

[kayamon215]

thank you for the review :)

[DarkRainbowPie]

I like how it's written in third person, it adds a hint of mystery! Also, your rhyming seems to slot in rather well, it doesn't seem forced :) I think better punctuation would make it run a bit easier off the tongue, but all in all, interesting poem, I like it ^_^ Just, one last thing, in line 8, the word 'there' should be spelt 'their' :) (Sorry, I'm a grammar snob x'D) Just pointing that out incase it's just been overlooked by mistake :) Anyways, well done! :D

[daydreamer]

It's full of emotion and has a powerful meaning behind it. It reminds me of something similar I wrote that I put on this site a little while back. The rhythm is a little off some lines are longer than they have to be. I would look at the usage of the words "There" and "They" I think you'll find that you don't really need them as much as you put them in there. example "There's so much pressure to be "cute" " By putting there in front of so it doesn't it doesn't really put an emphasis on the pain. Just an opinion and observation. Over all good job.

[dawn aulis]

Powerful, but negative, I hope there is some light in his life along with the darkness

[StarlaFireDelta]

yes I know..others opinions have no more affect on u now that your grown..
You cant win them all....that is my motto.
this is an ugly crazy world and do not let the negative voices be remembered,
cling to the good, the positive, the ones that bring u up...let everyone else go.
this is the key to happiness dear and to bringing the true and right and loyal into your life and heart.

[Holly Mason]

very nice write maybe the young man should focus on all of his positives and realize that everyone has negatives even the bully friendship is always just a read request away

[paperdaydreams]

the only little mistake i noticed was 'there' instead of 'their'.. unless you were talking about the school and not the boys in that case don't worry aha :) apart from that, good poem, a lot of true emotion in it that seems to come from the heart

[Lizzie Mitchell]

don't put your faith in people
they will always disappoint you
being able to express feelings like this through poetry is such a release
keep writing

[kayamon215]

i think i've come to understand that now :/ and yeah it does help a lot