Angry Old Men

One man's short trip from being a proud husband and father to awaiting his turn to die

 

Angry Old Men

 

 

 

Why are old men always so grumpy?  I remember asking this question many years ago, and now that I live in that world, I can offer an answer.  However, I don't believe there is a single; one size fits all, answer.  There may be as many reasons, as there are grumpy old men, but I will offer a few with only one scenario.

 

Man number one worked hard his whole life, remained faithful to his wife, and raised three kids, putting two of them through college.  Needless to say, he is a very proud man.  Four months before he could retire with a full benefit package, life jumps up and slaps him square in the face.  One minute he is at work, on lunch break, and the next thing he knows, he is in an ambulance trying to tell some EMT kid to leave him alone. 

 

After a few days in the hospital, he is sent home to adjust to a life after stroke.  In this new life, he cannot walk and is forced to use a wheelchair but must be pushed everywhere because he also lost the use of one arm.   He can't complain though, at least not so anyone can understand, because one side of his mouth droops and is, for the most part, useless for forming words.  The tongue muscles are also affected to further complicate successful communication as well as creating eating and swallowing difficulties, and choking realities.  Getting into or out of bed, dressing, undressing, bathing, toileting, and a number of other normal activities of daily living, can no longer be done independently.  In less than one second, he had gone from fiercely independent to meekly dependant.

 

His wife tries to take care of him, but their home is not designed for wheelchair use and some doors he cannot fit through---the bathroom being the most important one.  She continues trying, but alas, realizes she simply cannot do it alone and is forced to ask their children for help.  All three said basically the same thing; they could not afford miss work to physically help, but they would help financially. 

 

Rallying the family's resources, they are able to hire a person to help with his daily living needs.  All goes well at first, but then she (the wife) starts missing things.  She thinks she is simply misplacing or forgetting where she put things, but eventuality, the truth surfaces.  Unfortunately, not before thousands of dollars worth of items are gone forever; some were irreplaceable family heirlooms.

 

Not one to give up easily, she hires another person, but this one does not show up for work regularly.  Determined to keep her beloved husband at home with her, she tries a third person.  This time she works with a home-health agency and pays a higher per-hour rate expecting to get a qualified person.  What she got was a middle-aged teenybopper with an alcohol problem.

 

Being a loving, caring, faithful wife, she continues doing the best that she can alone.  Now, less than a year after the stroke, her health is failing both physically and mentally.  Their family doctor sees it and explains there is no other recourse; a long-term care facility is necessary.  She is devastated and believes herself to be a failure, both as a wife and as a caregiver.

 

 

Man number one is beginning the final chapter in his book of life, in a place he does not know, and with people he does not trust.  He feels abandoned, thrown away like last weeks newspaper after being used to line the litter box.  Not by his wife.  He knows she did her best, but by his ungrateful kids.  The same ones he had worked all the overtime to provide for, to pay for their first car, to educate them for a good start in life, and to help buy their first homes.  Why would they do this to him?  Is their daddy disposable?

 

His room in the nursing home is located near the door used by the mortuaries to pick up the recently deceased. He sees every sheet-covered body that rolls past on the old gurney with one squeaky wheel, which is from one to three per day.  He lies in the old-style, hand-crank, hospital bed, and understands that every person there is awaiting their turn to ride on the squeaky gurney.  This forces him to face, and accept, his own mortality.

 

 

The tally:

 

• He looses some pride when he learns that he is not indestructible
• He looses his main retirement package that would have made life easy
• He looses his independence (and a little more pride)
• He has destroyed his wife's physical health and self-esteem (plus his own)
• He looses his home (and still more pride)
• He feels abandoned by his kids (and shame)
• He is forced to rely on people he does not know or trust
• He is forced to face his own mortality
• He looses the remainder of his pride

 

Anger is the only safe emotion remaining in his limited arsenal while he awaits his turn.

 

 

Reviews

[Freder Fredersen (aka G..]

This reminds me of my father. He has seen a similar scenario played out. Luckily, he's back home...walking with a brace and talking pretty well. But 'Man Number One' had no such blessing or luck. The reality is that we are at the mercy of all forces within and without. This is an amazing piece of writing. Very much a poignant parable that touches on the weakness of humanity, and the pain in reality.

Well done!
Cheers!
G