A Mother's Guilt

A mother deals with the loss of her children by staying cooped up in her house, when her sister comes to cheer her up, the mother gets more than she bargains for with the outing.

It’s been three solitary months since the Heavenly Father took my beloved children away. Since then I barely ate, bathe, or even clothed. I spend most my days dragging my feet around the house, trying desperately to gather my composure and continue on with life.

They would’ve wanted it that way, wouldn’t they? It was my fault they died. If only… if only I was stronger then maybe I could’ve saved them. As time goes by I only fear that I too will join my children.

I stood in front of the smudged mirror and gazed at what seems like my body.  “Guess I really can’t get myself up today,” sigh, I wiped the smudged off with my sleeve.  “I’m going back to bed.”   

“Melinda! Melinda! Where are you?” My sister asked.

“Ugh,” I pulled the sheets over my head in attempt to go back to sleep.

“Not this time you don’t,” my sister said. She yanked the covers back revealing my timid and weak body. “Goodness, Melinda how long since you eaten?”

I looked up and saw a healthy version of my self. “Please, I just want to sleep,”

“Oh sis--”

“Stop it!” I rose from the bed grabbed my robe and headed towards the kitchen. “I don’t need your pity, Caroline.”

She looked at me as if I slapped her in the face.

 “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap,”

She gave me a warm smile. “It’s ok, I know it must be hard on--”

 “You don’t know! You never lost your children to a mistake you made!” 

Why did I snap again? Tears poured and I found myself in her arms.

What’s going on with me? “I’m so sorry, I don’t know why--”

 “It’s fine, for our first therapy session, getting out of this depressing house,” She pointed to her car. “Coffee?”

She drove to a coffee café inside it smelt of vanilla and chocolate.

 “Mm, smells good,” she postured my way and smiled. “It’ll be fun.”

The aroma hit my senses with comfort and the atmosphere was peaceful, a nice setting than what I was use to. We ordered coffee and pastries and talked and laughed for hours.

The door chimes went off and a tall, slim figure suddenly appeared. His presence was familiar and unwelcomed. 

“David!” Caroline said.

“Caroline?” David asked. He walked towards the table.  I was immediately captivated by his charm. His eyes, however, they told another story.

“How you been? Haven’t seen you since we were in college.” He took a seat next to me and ordered a latte with extra foam.

Where have I seen him?

“Been good, so what brings you into town?” Caroline asked.

He took a deep breath and his faced went from pleased to disturbed.

“Your latte sir,” the waiter said.

“Thank you,” he waited till the waiter left, looked around and held Caroline’s hand. “Well, I arrived three months ago. I was supposed to leave after my investigation but I witnessed something atrocious,” he stared directly at me. “I’ve been trying to find the culprit.” 

Three months ago. Who is he?

“David you’re scaring me,” Caroline yanked her hand from his and tugged my arm. “Lets go Melinda, it was nice seeing you again.”

We headed straight for her car. I looked back and watched as David stared me down until I vanished from his sight.

Caroline pulled into my driveway. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yea, I’m fine why would you ask?” I looked down at my lap to avoid eye contact.

“In the coffee shop…um…never mind. I’ll pick you up tomorrow okay?”

“See you then,”

The night was silent. David was constantly replaying in my mind. What did he see? What did he mean by  ‘finding the culprit’?  I didn’t sleep at all last night, nothing felt right. Something was off.

Knock! Knock!

“What...oh it’s only the door,” It was barely light out. What time is it? 7am? Who could it be this early? “Just a moment.”

I opened the door and David stood there with his badge facing towards me with my sister by his side.

“Caroline? David? What in the world is going on?” I stumbled back into the house knocking over a nearby vase.

Caroline started crying and yelling why. David helped me up and placed me on the couch. He gazed into my eyes and placed his hands on mine.

Caroline couldn’t look at me. She placed her head down as if in shame. “It’s about your children’s killer,” she said.

“What about it? He was found,” the room seemed small and cramped. “I can’t do this I’m going for a walk.”

“Melinda I’m afraid, I can’t allowed you to do that,” David said, he pointed towards the door; were two cops positioned.

I was confused. “What is going on here?”

“Melinda remember the night your children died,” David frowned at me hard. “You don’t remember do you?”

“Um yes, I do remember”, why can’t I remember?

“No you don’t. For three months you’ve been telling yourself a lie about your children’s death. You wanna know why you feel like you wanna die or can’t get out of bed?” His posture became intense.

“Caroline?” I asked.

“Melinda, you murder your own children…you ran them over with your car and dragged their bodies to the train tracks. You made it seem like someone else did it,” she started crying.

“That can’t be!” I said, “I loved my children!”

“We talked to your doctor. You’ve been off your meds for six months. You have multiple personality disorder, remember?” David showed me a full bottle of prescriptions.

“But…I…I…I saw him.” I collapsed to the floor.

Who did I see?

“It’s going to be okay Melinda,” he motioned at the policemen by the door.

“No! I saw him. I swear!” I said.

You saw me.

“Who?” I asked

You. I’m you.

“No!”

“Are you sure, David?” Caroline asked.

He gestured, “I don’t know, look, she’s out of it.”

“Ah!” I yelled.