mayday

I am a vessel,

a ship,

my maiden voyage. 

my first kiss when I was 8.
Awkward, in a dark closet
with my best friend.
She wanted to be rose,
and said I was jack.
I hated Titanic.
My first rejection.
Heartbreak, in junior high
from my first crush.
He was a jock,
I was nobody.
I hit an iceberg.
My first self-harm session.
Ecstasy, in the bathtub
with a brand new razor.
It was my first taste of blood,
in the perfect metallic combination.
I was sinking.
My first insurance claim.
Smoky, burnt out house,
documenting every possession on a legal pad.
It was too surreal,
I couldn’t breathe.
I was running out of life boats.
My first bout with purging.
The power,
oh god the power.
I had so much control over myself,
I was invincible.
I disappeared under the tide.
I finally got help. 

At rock bottom,
ashamed of myself for sinking this deep
Things were getting better,
and always are.
Piece by piece I’m being pulled up from the ocean floor.