Kaleidoscope Heart

iamnotsimple.

i feel many things at the same time.

i feel them out loud and in color and sometimes - people get hurt.

it happens so fast i confuse even myself. but it's too late to spin it backwards.

too late to save feelings. everyone is wounded and it's my fault.

 

time for damage control. sorry. i love you. please try to understand me...and then love me anyway.

 

my heart is not some single chamber contraption.

my heart... if i try to picture it

would look like a kaleidoscope

 

i love kaleidoscopes. really great ones made of amethysts and quartz crystals. you know the one...up on the mantle over the fireplace. my favorite. the trinket of all trinkets. i used to get lost in it for entire afternoons...

 

a kaleidoscope makes you feel something

you can get carried away as it all melts together

 

or you can stop the spinning -  really look and see that it is much more than just a constantly changing collage of bleeding colors.

 

tiny.stationary.beautiful.complex portraits.

 

made up of thousands of shiny little pieces.

 

hold onto them. they never last for long.

they go so quickly you barely have time to remember what they looked like. you can try to spin it back and find it again but it's never quite the same.

 

each tiny piece of color and light dances with the next always making something new. something beautiful. but not staying long enough for anyone to really see it for all it's worth.

 

you can't get too attached.

you have to find beauty in the colors...meaning in the moment.

 

you have to appreciate each piece - not individually - but as part of a whole

 

"i'm smaller than a poppy seed inside a great big bowl. and the ocean is a giant that can swallow me whole. so i swim for all salvation and i swim to save my soul but my soul is just a whisper caught inside a tornado.....  we all become important when we realize our goal should be to figure out our role within the context of the whole" (kimya dawson, i like giants)

 

that girl is a crazy kaleidoscope for sure.

maybe that's why i like her music so much.

 

it shifts. it changes. it makes no sense sometimes. but it's still beautiful.

 

like a kaleidoscope.

 

like my heart.

 

beautiful in it's simplicity.

 

beautiful in it's complexity.

 

beautiful...in it's entirety...

Reviews

[Dillon Langlands]

a very heartfelt composition
I have to say it's rare to see something that honestly makes me feel as though I know a part of the writer that was meant for a secret place
thank you for sharing this with us