Tinky Chimey Leeman Teeth

My thoughts during a visit with my cousin a couple years after my grandmother passed away.

 

tinky chimey leeman teeth straight hair....aunt deb......great dinner tonight......i'm 32......puppies on the way....new found connection with monykah....diana's car wasn't here this morning...pay backs are a b***h...so much on my mind. i need to blog it out. where do i start? straight hair...best 70 dollars i've ever spent if it stands up to humidity.  well that's out. that was easy. aunt deb...mmmmskip that one for now. great dinner tonight...so excited!!! good wine too. i'm 32. blech. but if it gets me a good dinner it's worth it. puppies on the way. i'm scared for her. i want my dog back. she's my responsibility and i have no idea what i'm doing. dumb vet, go back to school and get a better bedside manner. aunt deb...no not yet. new found connection with monykah....this is one of the better parts of getting older. she is as "heady" as i am. always wrapped up in analyzing the past and wondering what to do with the present and hoping the best for the future. hoping the past will not affect it too much, only in a positive way. i wish she could stay longer. i could talk to her forever. it's great to be understood, great to have someone really try to understand you and have front teeth the same size as yours. leeman teeth - the 8th world wonder...always producing great smiles and wonderful tinky chimey sounds out of beer bottles. love it. i thought something was missing when i came down the street this morning...what is it? oh...diana's car isn't here, she's at the beach. i'm already used to her car in the driveway...i will miss her when she moves. i've left her though. moved my car out of her driveway. now i know how she felt. it wil be okay though. i'm excited to see her grow in this next phase of her life. i hope she takes a puppy so she's no too lonely. **sigh** aunt deb. she was there for me through so many of my hard times. i wish i could've been there for her. but she was so unreachable. so stand-offish. so not her. understandable, but hello! it's me!!!! didn't matter. didn't matter for anyone. we were not what i had thought we would be when it happened. i didn't think we would be that family that turned against one another. i was wrong. we had a celebration of life...but we weren't celebrating her life. we were sullen and argumentative and busy pointing fingers. the children, her children should have done a better job. they should have been more like her. that's the problem...like her. who can duplicate that? who can fill that void? no one. no one knew what to do with the huge empty hole....we filled it with anger. filled it with that which is effortless and easy. it was joy that would have been hard to find....and it was. i, for one..am sorry for whatever i did. i only wanted a little piece - so concerned about the things, all the little pieces....turns out - it wasn't enough, so why did i even bother? what i was searching for in her things, i already had inside me. and no one can take it away. it's mine. it was there all along. and i don't need a thing...i have her. we all do. let's use that to make amends and be the people with the tinky, chimey leeman teeth that she would've wanted us to be. i guess it wasn't so much about aunt deb. it's about all of us. but she is it for me...so that's where my focus goes i guess. sorry deb. i feel better now....