Running and Reaching

this is not really a story. just my thoughts.

 

running and reaching as we grow up we learn from our parents. what to do...what not to do. not only through long lectures or heart to hearts, but by example. it is a lot to take in. a lot to hope to achieve, or in some cases - a lot to try and distance yourself from. but whether you're reaching or running - it defines you. no matter what you do in your life, no matter how many twists and turns you take, phases you go through or lessons you learn, mistakes you make or goals you accomplish - in the end you are only one of three things. what they had hoped. what they have learned to accept or what they had feared. .no pressure. i used to think i had it rough because i had so many parents. so many different sets of expectations. to date, there are 6 to be exact...8 if you count my in-laws but that's a different blog entirely! some days i still think it's rough. things have settled down now. people are set in their ways...or marriages. but every once in a while someone from your past comes around to say....remember when.....blah blah blah and you suddenly remember all those things you were supposed to be for someone else... a parent in passing...but a parent none the less. however...i realized something today. something to spin it katy's way...always a good thing. with so many different "parents" i am almost guaranteed to be living up to someone's expectations on any given day. 6 of them - 1 of me. all i have to do is talk to the right one at the right time and viola, i'm a saint! truth is... i just get all caught up in my own head sometimes. i don't talk to most of them anyway and i only worry about what a couple of them think. sometimes. i do know that i have learned from all of them though.  a few what-to-dos but mostly the what-not-to-dos my life has been a big dysfunctional melting pot of step parents and those once removed....i'll always be running from that. and the reaching....well.... i reach for familiar smells.common knowledge. shared interests.knowing looks. understanding smiles.inside jokes. i reach for what they never achieved for themselves and could not provide for their children... .i reach for stability.

Author's Note

I write like I think. I don't like to pay much attention to correct grammar or puncuation if it gets in the way of expressing myself. I write usually write very quicly and always emotionally. My writing is undoubtedly flawed however, it is in the flaws that most who read it find thier connection with me. Enjoy