Wondering About Death

I wrote this when my Mom died a long time ago and I was too young to know how to feel about it.

I often wonder about death

That finality we all attain

Willingly or unwillingly?

Few may choose

But what comes next?

 

I often wish to feel you close

At times the need is searing

To turn and share a thought, a joke

Once I took it for granted

Now I only cry my loneliness

 

The memories already fade

I have to see with both minds now

Turn inward, say 'did you see that?'

And in my heart I wish it so

But in my head, this weighted misery

 

Do you watch me? Are you there?

Or are you just dust and ashes?

Are you now history? A bittersweet past few recall

Do I live in hell, only hope to die,

To bring us back to where we were?

 

Once there was a purpose, reason

For the things I said and did

Now I plan, but there is no meaning

Inside I bear those dreams of yours

Redemption lies in their fulfilment

 

Did you really love me?

Despite knowing, not knowing, what I was

Do you know me now, can you see inside

Are you on my shoulder, in the sea, the sky

Is that death?

 

I drift away from all who care

Forge my path, try, survive, exist

Cocoon against all daunting and new

Give nothing, play my lonesome hand

Aground, I lose those who knew you

 

Mourning is done for them

Their lives have moved on

The future lies within their sight

Only I remain, holder of your faith

My only future, Death, and maybe, You again