Goodbye My Almost Lover

A Story by Kat

My feeling about falling for someone and not having it work out.

Almost relationships are very hard to get over.

Even if the almost is more for yourself then it ever was for him.

Why is it so hard? Because you have no closure in the situation. You don't know why it didn't happen and if you are at fault.

You had the chance to tell him how you felt but you didn't, you didn't think your time to take that leap would be cut so short. So you are left with all of the horrid What if”s. What if you told him how you felt, what if he liked you but thought that you did not feel the same, what if he never liked you and it was all in your head. It kills you because now these questions are never going to be answered.

The entire time before the almost relationship ended you had expectations of what you and that person would become. You planned and played situations out in your mind that brought smiles to your face. You listened when other people said that he liked you so much that you believed it yourself , so you built up expectations that you honestly believed would be met. Now that you know they won’t it hurts you on a deep emotional level because you wanted them to happen so badly.

It kills you too see that person with someone else. You are burning up on the inside with multiple emotions. Anger because you feel like they are yours. Jealousy because you don't want another person with the person you saw yourself with, but mostly sadness because you have to look at the person you want to hold, holding someone else. And then you think “that should be me” because you honestly thought it would be at this point. And knowing that he is with another person just proves that point that you probably will never be at that point with him.

So now you are sad and you want to hang out with him yet whenever you see him you just want to hold him. You don’t know why but you just want to be with him and not just in a friend way. You want to hug him and have him hug you back and tell you that he wants to be with you. This plays through your mind so much and it hurts snapping back into reality knowing that ,that will never happen, you will never have that moment.

Whenever you see pictures of him or you and him together you just think about whether or not he was thinking about you the way you were thinking about him during that period of time. Was he saying in his mind that he wants to grab you and hold you. You look at the pictures and wonder what would have happened if in that moment you just made a move, would you be with him now and would none of this be happening.

You think about the memories you made with him. All of the times it was just you and him alone. How he made you feel and how he made you laugh. How when you met his family they liked you. How he laughed at your stupid little jokes and that gave you satisfaction because you allowed the person that you care about feel happy. It kills you knowing that you won’t make any more of those memories.

And now you are expected to get over your feelings by yourself because honestly no one knows how you are feeling. You find yourself being okay with the fact that you aren't with him but that sense of okayness that you feel is shattered when you see him. You can’t hang out with your friends if they are with him because you don’t want to risk having something slip out. You can’t go back to normal because your normal was believing that he wanted you. You have to create a new normal without him in it and it takes a long time.

For you, it was amazing that anyone would actually like you because you find yourself to be ugly and fat and disgusting. When you thought there was a chance, you felt more confident because why would someone like you if you were bad looking or annoying or any of the other things that you believed you are. But when you realize that he may have never liked you all of those feelings of disgust with yourself not only come back but they multiply because then you think there had to be a reason why he didn’t want you. Maybe I am as ugly and disgusting and annoying and horrible as I think I am. Why would anyone love me?

© 2015 Kat

Author's Note

Don't worry about grammer, thank you for reading, please leave a review to tell me what you think

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Featured Review

Alucard6336

Sometimes it's good to have a relstionships that didn't work. Have you seen Scott pilgrim vs the world? Ramona's exes make mine look like saints, and that ain't saying much.

Consider this. Love transcends everything. Never will it be gone, no matter how many times you say it is gone. Food for thought.

I enjoyed this. Thank you :)