Chapter One

 

                                                Chapter 1

“En garde!” Bethany Robin Maxwell said, holding on to the rope with her left hand, and her right making stabbing motions at Peter’s sides with her foam sword. She was swinging on the tire swing (although she wasn’t sitting on the tire, she was standing on it). Peter was Bethany’s best friend, and she was a little shorter than then him, so he let her have the advantage.

“Oh know you don’t!” said Peter, suddenly jumping to the right, and stabbing at her sides with his sword.

“Oh yes I do!” Bethany said, swinging back his direction and successfully stabbing through the space between his arm and his side.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Peter pretended to fall and he put his hand on his chest.

“Ha-HA!” was the triumphant call that came from Bethany. Peter and Bethany both started to laugh.

“I guess I shouldn’t give Robin Hood, or Robin Maxwell I should say, the advantage. That’s the only reason you won.” Peter said, but he was only joking. He knew very well that she was a better fencer than he was.

“Kids?” Mom called from the kitchen window. “Time for lunch!”

“I guess we’d better go in.” said Bethany

“Yeah, I guess we’d better.” Peter replied

As they walked inside, Bethany took out her pony tail, and let her long black hair swirl around her shoulders. She was tall for her age, (she would be eleven next month), but Peter, being one month older was still about one and a half centimeters taller. She breathed in the wonderful aroma of Mom’s cooking.

“Peter, I called your mom and she says it’s okay if you stay until four o’clock.” Mom said, smiling as they walked to the dining room.

“Thanks Mrs. Maxwell.” He said, beaming back at her. He was always glad to get in extra practice with Bethany before fencing class, every Monday.

“Bethy, will you take out the trash after lunch, please?” Mom asked Bethany.

“Sure mom.”

“Thanks.”

Mom came in with two plates of steaming spaghetti.

“Yum, my favorite!” Peter said. Mom was always getting compliments from Peter, which was one of the reasons she liked having him over.

“And you make the best spaghetti, Mrs. Maxwell!”

“Why thank you, Peter, have as much as you like.” Mom said.

“Oh boy, thanks!” was Peter’s enthusiastic reply. He was always hungry for spaghetti.

Mom just laughed.

“Hey Peter, want to practice fencing after this? I mean, today is Monday, so we should practice.” Bethany said.

“Yeah! I’m still not as good as you though.”

“Yes you are! Your lunge is doing great, and that’s the hardest thing of all. I’m not as good as you are with the lunge!”

“Okay, maybe, but your better at attacking, and defending.” Peter replied, just as modestly as Bethany.

“Thanks.” Bethany laughed.

After lunch, they were so excited about practicing, that Bethany didn’t remember the trash until…

Beep-beeeeeeeep! It was the sound of the trash truck in the cul-de-sack.

“Oh no!” Bethany cried. She ran with Peter following her to the backyard, but there were no trash cans. She looked up the drive way, and was relieved to see mom had seen they had forgotten, and she had taken it out.

“Let that be a lesson to you.” She said, walking out to where they were standing.

“What if I hadn’t seen your carelessness?”

Bethany looked down at her feet, and kicked a stone thinking Mom would go on and on with her lecture right in front of Peter. But she didn’t. She just walked back in the house, saying;

“Now let me watch you take the trash cans down back here so I know it gets done.”

“Okay!” Bethany said quickly.

“Then get ready for class. It’s my turn to take you to class this week and I don’t want you two to be late.”

“Sure Mom. But…I can’t find my sword.” At fencing class, they got foam swords.

“It’s in your room on your bed, found it by the tire swing.”

“Oops…” Bethany said, exchanging glances with Peter.

After Bethany and Peter got ready for class, they were off to the studio.

In the studio, Mr. Spickens and Mrs. Rodgers had already started class. They both got into positions, girls taught by Mrs. Rodgers and, of course, boys taught by Mr. Spickens.

At joining class, were all the boys and girls were mixed, Bethany was jumping and about to land in her side lunge when…

“Ow!” Bethany yelled. And it wasn’t just like an “Ow, I’m hurt,” it was an “OW I may have twisted something, in which case, I need to go to the hospital!” Peter rushed over to see what the mater was. Instead of landing in her side lunge, she had landed in the splits. Not that the splits was hard to do for her, but landing on the ground wasn’t something she’d want to do.

“Are you okay?” Peter asked, his voice sounded almost too concerned, because the other boys started giggling and imitating him in way that was really over done.

“Bethany!” Mrs. Rodgers ran over to her. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” said Bethany. “I’m tired. Can I use your cell phone to see if my mom can pick me up?”

She wasn’t really tired, but she didn’t want to stay for class.

“Sure. I think you’ve had enough for one day.” Mrs. Rodgers replied.

When Mrs. Maxwell appeared, she ran up the steps, right over to Bethany.

“Sweat heart! Are you okay? Are you breathing alright? What happened? Are you hurting bad?”

“Mom!” I’m okay! Relax!” she wanted to yell ‘Just take me home! Why don’t you just TAKE ME HOME LIKE I CALLED YOU TO DO! THAT’S YOUR MISSION!’. She was pretty embarrassed.

Mom gave Bethany one of those don’t-talk-to-me-in-that-tone look.

“I’m just making sure your okay.” She said, as they walked out of the studio together.

“Well did you have to embarrass me?” Bethany replied, looking up at her mother in such a way, that maybe her mom would u-n-d-e-r-s-t-a-n-d.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of your friends, dear. But you didn’t state a very good reputation on yourself. Especially in front of Mrs. Rodgers.” Mom opened the door of the car.

“Oh. Right. Sorry, mom.” Bethany said, looking out the window of the car.

“But anyway,” mom suddenly looked happy.

“Guess who’s at home.”

“Besides Jerry and Mike?” Bethany said. Jerry and Mike where her older brothers. Their names, where short for Jeremiah Scott, and Michal Andrew Maxwell.

“Yes, besides Jerry and Michal.”

“Uh…who?”

“Your sister!”

“Annie?!” Annie was her older sister, who was 23, and Bethany didn’t see her very often, because the Maxwell’s lived in Golden Grove, and the Carmitchel’s lived in Bahoven’s Vil.

“Yup.” Mom said, smiling and turning into the driveway.

“Bethany!” Annie said, running out to see her little sister.

“Annie! I missed you. I haven’t seen you in three months!”

“I know! I have a little present for you, though!” Annie said, still smiling.

“A present? You got a present for me?”

“I sure did.”

“Well than, let’s go inside! I want to see it!”

When they got inside, Mike and Jerry were acting especially nice to Bethany. That was considered very rare.

Wait here” Annie said, running into her parent’s bedroom. As she came out she said;

“I heard you got hurt at fencing class.” Annie had a gift bag in one hand, in the other, a small wrapped box.

“It’s nothing.” Bethany said quietly. Having her mind on Annie had made it not hurt. But now it hurt more that ever.

“It’s actually kind of two, but they go together.” Annie said, changing the subject. She could tell Bethany was feeling uncomfortable.

Bethany took the gift bag and the box in her hands and set the on the table. She took the bag first.

She rapidly tore the tissue paper out, revealing a beautiful, blue and brown wooden box.

“Open it up.” Annie said, with a smile on her face.

Bethany opened the box. It started playing a tune—her favorite tune, Outside and Free from a movie called ‘Free at Last!’ and three little humming birds on springs bobbed up and down.

In the middle of the box, was a square with rings tucked inside it. They weren’t exactly the most girly rings, which is why she loved them, one, had a plain band, with a plain B on it. Probably for Bethany.

The other one, had a silver band, with tiny white rhinestones around it, until the middle, which had a blue rhinestone shaped like a star.

“Thank you so much!” said Bethany, wrapping her arms around Annie.

“Your welcome, Sissy.” Annie said, smiling. She was really glad Bethany liked them, because, truthfully, she had spent a full two hours looking for a present. She liked getting presents for Bethany.

“But now, open the bag.”

Bethany opened the bag. Inside was the thing she had bean staring at through Viva’s shop window for months. A complete set of gear. There was a coil of rope, a Swiss army knife, a bandanna, a flash light and head lamp, and a back pack to put them in.

“Thanks!! Oh boy, this is the best present EVER!!!”

Bethany hugged her sister.

“Well, now that that’s out of the way, let’s have dinner.” Mom said, and they did. Every mouthful of mom’s homemade chicken casserole seemed wonderful to Bethany. Her injury was forgotten.

Author's Note

Keep in mind, I'm only 9. Thanks for reading!

Reviews

[Gregory Hill]

Hmmm nice story, I am just going to list some things as I go down(also you should try to make indentation, its hard with writerscafe but it looks great):

1) The first sentence runs too long:
"En garde!" Bethany Robin Maxwell said, holding on to the rope with her left hand, and her right making stabbing motions at Peter's sides with her foam sword.
You could make it:
"En garde!" said Bethany Robin Maxwell. She was holding on to the rope with her left hand, and her right making stabbing motions at Peter's sides with her foam sword.

Better to make the sentences shorted and more clear that trailing on.

2) "Oh know you don't!" said Peter, suddenly jumping to the right, and stabbing at her sides with his sword.

In the quotation you spell it "no" in this sense

3) "Oh no!" Bethany cried. She ran with Peter following her to the backyard, but there were no trash cans. She looked up the drive way, and was relieved to see mom had seen they had forgotten, and she had taken it out.

4) Add a "that" before mom and make mom, Mom. Also add "that" after seen and before they.

5) "Sweat heart! Are you okay? Are you breathing alright? What happened? Are you hurting bad?"

Well you said sweat as in perspiring, make it Sweetheart.


6) "But anyway," mom suddenly looked happy.
"Guess who's at home."

It should be Looking not looked, you are using past and present at same time. Also Don't make the second part of her saying that down a line make it:

"But anyway," mom suddenly looking happy, "Guess who's at home."


7) Wait here" Annie said, running into her parent's bedroom. Add a Quote to the beginning of it.


8) "It's actually kind of two, but they go together." Annie said, changing the subject. She could tell Bethany was feeling uncomfortable.

Its really abrupt, it should be, something like:

"Well, There is actually kind of two presents, but they go together." Annie said, changing the subject. She could tell Bethany was feeling uncomfortable.


Great job on writing this, I really liked it especially for being 9 Kay See. Gj

[Gregory Hill]

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[Gregory Hill]

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