December 14, 2012

Punched directly in the heart.

My SMIF:

So Facebook insists that you do, in fact, exist. To add insult to injury, you're gorgeous; more attractive than ever. Hah. I could be seeing things. Sometimes I see you out of the corner of my eye when I'm out and about.

Oh, I've taken to lying. I still don't like to, but it's fruitful and I understand why others do it. My first official lie was lying to my car insurance company and telling them that I had cancelled my policy three months prior. They were very accommodating and refunded me over $100.

My ongoing lie to myself and anyone with amorous intentions is that I am still in love with my ex fiance Mitchell. Apparently, being in love with an ex imaginary friend who won't have anything to do with me is not an acceptable reason for a prospective beau to cease his pursuit of me, but being in love with the father of my children is. I feel that claiming to be in love with Mitchell, rather than with you, makes me feel less pathetic about adamantly staying single. Nobody cares about all of my other reasons, all my lovely logical reasons. Not even me.

In conclusion, I've found lying to be an effective means to a variety of ends.

I think about you and I dream about you all the time. Seeing a photo of you today, I realized that my imagination cannot do you justice. I wonder if you look so much more beautiful to me now due to my missing you so much. I starve for conversation with you. My love is not so much a desperate love, but more of a mildly puzzled love.

I hope you have been well and good in your existence outside of my mind.

Quizzically in Love with You,

K

PS: For the record, my melancholy has less to do with you and more to do with school children being shot and killed in Connecticut earlier today. I'm rather very much used to being chronically heart broken by now haha (and did rather enjoy seeing your face on the book for faces) though it was easier when you could not possibly exist.