August 30, 2012

Not all who wander are lost. Not all those alone are lonely.

My beloved SMIF:

I keep having friends tell me "Don't worry, you'll fall in love again" but, you know what, that's what makes me worry. I don't very much want to be in love again. I enjoy solitude immensely. I want to be alone. I'm never alone. I'm told that all human beings seek companionship. That may be true, but can't it just be platonic? I'd very much like to never fall madly in love ever again. I mean, I'm in love with you, but being with you is just as good as being alone, since you're my soul mate- and imaginary on top of that. You're an exceptional exception to my rule.

I recently spoke to a boy on Facebook who I met around 9 years ago, before I had children and such. He is what I would consider The Perfect Man. He's drop dead gorgeous, six pack, piercing blue eyes, chestnut brown hair. He's talented- plays music, is an acrobat, good writer, creative. He's intelligent- philosophy, academics (graduated top of his class from UCLA), can solve a Rubik's cube in 4 seconds flat.

I was telling my friend, who dubbed this Perfect Man as Mr. Gorgeous, and my friend tells me I should "chase Gorgeous" since it's quite evident I have a crush on the guy. I think a lot of my friends don't understand that when I talk about things and people, I try to be as detailed as possible and just because I'm describing someone highlighting their positive attributes, it doesn't necessarily mean I am interested. If someone is pretty, I tell them. If someone looks fat in that dress, I tell them. I have absolutely no inclination or desire to chase Gorgeous. Or be with anyone. This isn't a fear of commitment speaking. I'm just really tired of playing the game. Gorgeous is too perfect for me anyhow. There's no way I can be anywhere around him and not be utterly fraught with insecurity. He really is perfect, just not for me.

I'll just continue to patiently wait for you to come back around and marry me. =) I've already found my soul mate. Someone who is so perfect for me that being with you negates any need to be alone. I've said this before and I'll say this again: I am not going to settle for anyone less than absolutely perfect for me. And that's you. No sense in looking further. No sense in wasting time and energy.

I love you,

KTH