August 07, 2012

Food for thought for me.

SMIF:

Today somebody mentioned that they hoped I would work things out with Mitchell. My response was "Oh?" because pretty much everyone else in my life wants me to have nothing to do with him. I wonder what you'd think about that. Over a year later. He calls his girlfriend his fiance now. She still doesn't even admit that she's his girlfriend. I wonder how that works.

Do I want to work things out with Mitchell? Part of me was probably waiting around for him by staying single. That part of me is waiting around for you now. So I wonder if I ever actually wanted him back at all. I didn't. Didn't I? I think I would have worked things out with Mitchell had he come back around and done a stupendous job of proving to me that he wants to be a good father and actually stay around for the kids. I would have been with him for the benefit of my children. Now I wouldn't take him back at all...

I'm a little bit obsessive, I know. Too old to even have an imaginary friend at all. You know what, though? I don't really care.

Do I actually love you so much that I will be loyal to you the rest of my life? Who knows?! God, probably. Actually, I think I'm pretty confusing for God Himself, even. Do I love you only because you are more acceptable as an unattainable mate than Mitchell and I need a reason to stay single? I wonder about my resolve.

I'm struggling to be friends with Vista without hurting his feelings. He's terribly confused about his feelings toward me. I wish I could help him out some.

I am desperate for your voice.

Pining for you:

K