Alone

  At this point I'm so sure love doesn't exist, thats what Zac had taught me when I was at Staples. He said he wasn't capable of liking me and that hes never felt love and thats when I came to the realization that I'm just better off alone.
    
     It was a rainy day outside and like usual  I was depressed and alone in this small town, but like there was anything better to do around here anyways. So I sat at my desk pondering the scene over and over again in my head of Zac and me. His blog covered my dashboard and my razor stared at me tempting me with its sharp fangs and piercing thoughts. I often spent my days locked up in my room like this ever sense my deadly cycle started. I didn't have any friends except my blade and laptop ever sense I had gotten out of the mental hopital. I always had my shades closed to avoid light and my door locked to avoid contact from anyone. My stero stayed up loud to avoid me from thinking of the past, but rarely did it ever help. I was better off this way anyways. i never mattered anyways everything important to me always had its way of leaving. I always told myself that I wasted precious air on this earth, my mum's money, and space for someone important or better, so I didn't eat, I was fat anyways. I was at a mental state of where I was suffering so much with all this excess pain that I wanted to die, yet the thought of it terrified me and sense I was stuck in this indecesion I was slowly disappearing and fading into my depression. Maybe I'll be lucky and get hit by a car. I thought maybe then I'll lose the memory of him.. All the thoughts around me were like a never ending whirlwind of pain. They ripped and stabbed at my heart and made it hard to breathe. I was drowning in my tears, yet did it matter anymore?

     Remember me? My head snapped towards my razor.

     No go away I don't want your s**t right now I've had a rough day.

     But darling I can make it all better...

    I stared at it again. I really am insane aren't I? I'm speaking to a razor blade.. I picked it up lightly. Press down as hard as you want remember.. Its been rough today..

     With pleasure

     And just like that I was off into my wonderland, ripping and tearing at my skin until I couldn't feel anyore the feeling of comfort washed over me like a blanket of sea -or in this case rather a sea of blood- and all seemed okay until i snapped back into reality and I was still locked up in my room with my depression and blade..

     D****t I got my blood on my keyboard and when I wiped it away I accidentally refreshed my dashboard and all of the sudden a beautiful boy appeared across my screen. My eyes grew wide at his beauty he seemed so heavenly. He had soft, brown, puppy-like eyes and long hair that dropped down to his shoulders. He wore a stripped, button down shirt with his chest peeking out almost as if to tease me. I read the caption which spoke "going to an AA concert tonight should I wear this?" Damn right you should you look hot

     Heh you know he'll never like you why bother

     Shut up... I looked into the the guys eyes or a few seconds and built up the courage to click onto his blog page.

     But never would I have guessed with just that click my life would be changed forever... But for better or for worse?