Bird Lady Linda

Small birds flitter through her garden flowers.
and even flutter through her kitchen door. 
Some rush in soaking from Spring showers
to splash drench the new mopped kitchen floor.
She tells their chicklets fairytales
amid her paper, pens, and cages,
writes Odes to Nightingales
- -falls into artistic rages.
She coos to Friday as he dances
or lies cushioned and at ease,
but I’ve seen the cocky way he glances
when she feeds him grapes and cheese.
As for his squawk, squawk, repartee
It's bird abuse of rotten poetry.

 

Reviews

[All faded blue]

Gave me visions of a Lady DooLittle, one who could charm the wee creatures from the wood! Most excellent work.

[Lionel Braud]

cleverly crafted poem that wordplays on all the bird poems known, for ex.) Ode to a Nightengale. it seems a like satire of the nature poets and the friend reminds me of a character in Rapuccini's Daughter.

[Narnie]

I like this poem as a whole... it is witty and would be hard to resist a smile as you read. I know that you are looking for constructive opinions so here goes...

The word 'kitchen' tends to drag on the line... I would be tempted to choose a word with less hard syllables, maybe 'lilo' or 'vinyl'. The same with the 'of rotten poetry'... a hard sound there that could be changed to have a double meaning by using 'on' (as in a comment on the poetry and also maybe a poop on the poetry).

[James K. Blaylock]

this piece was rather cute as well as funny. keep up the great writes.

[Blackbirdsong]

Vanessa, what an utterly charming poem. I could see and picture everything you described. The last line made me laugh. "Bird abuse of rotten poetry."

[Sandra]

How surprisingly witty and fun to read. I like your use of the bird word, "cocky" thrown in offhandedly. The imagery is really good, as if I'm there taking it all in. I like the "squawk, squawk, repartee" and I can't find anything I would change until, I get to that last line. I really like it but I feel it needs some work to make it flow with the rest of the poem's smooth rhythm. Though I'm not sure just what or how. It might just be me and how I'm reading it.
Very nicely written, Vanessa!

[Kevin Connolly]

I thought the first eight lines were great, Vanessa. But what follows is even better:

She coos to Friday as he dances
or lies cushioned and at ease,
but I�ve seen the cocky way he glances
when she feeds him grapes and cheese.
As for his squawk, squawk, repartee
Tiz bird abuse to diss our poetry.

LOL. If a parrot ever dissed my poetry he would end up in a Monty Python sketch, ha ha.
Brilliant stuff, Vanessa.

[A Cherin]

That is marvelous. 'Tis a limerick I'd imagine school children saying as they walk to and fro school. I like it.

[Cdnsurfer]

This was a pretty darn good piece. Loved the flow and the quatrain/couplet format. I thought in the second last line, commentary felt clunky, so I suggest this instead:

As for his squawk, squawk, [repartee]

Not sure what to do about the rhyme in this line:

They rush in soaking from the rain

which is to rhyme with "garden". I thought perhaps to tighten and run it as:

They rush in soaked from a rainin'

but that felt forced. Or perhaps, something like:

They rush in rain soaked again, or They rush in soaked from the rain, again

But I can't think of it.

This was a great snapshot of a life, so much so I could picture it completely. Envious I is!

Cheers! Rob

[Tawny O'hara]

Ha that is cute. Reminds me of my ziggy, a cherry headed conure. I got so I couldn't take care of him any more. I miss him he loved to sing van morrison songs and dance. He was some bird. I hope still is