Blossom of April

 

 

 

Springtime: nature stirs, yawning, rubs away

the dust of winter sleep. April Showers

sprinkle seedlings that stretch up breaking clay  

toward Summer.  Morning rouses the flowers,   

greedy fledglings chirrup for worms.  Pink-lipped

magnolia buds form baby mouths.  And Sean

tries to stand erect.  With tiny frame tipped  

forward his chubby fingers clutch the dawn.

Weathered hands steady him as winter chills

fade. Rabbits emerge and small fish listen

as lakes unfreeze, rivers run again and hills

reach towards the sky.  Daffodils glisten.   

Sean smiles our world.  An April breeze sighs

and the future shines in his Irish eyes.   

Author's Note

This is an old poem. I wrote a couple of years ago and have revised quite a bit - hence it's being slightly out of season. It is a little more sentimental than I normally get - perhaps a little too much?

Reviews

[ladybug]

I thoughtit was just right. You can put good touch to a poem. I will want to read more.

[ladybug]

I thoughtit was just right. You can put good ouch to a poem. I will want to read more.

[@dan@]

Well now, not too sentimental I think. But touching as usual. This piece has the poets perception
as is an artist's eye. When you penned this thought you were, it seems, standing between the
the moving elements of time as you created the illusion of it standing still, for those who have read this to clearly see its meaning. Nice Vanessa!

[Stiver]

Vanessa, I just bought a new house last fall. It has a huge yard, and I haven't been so eager for Spring since my senior year. This poem just got me even more fired up for the spring!!!

Anyway, I really like the poem on the whole. Conventionally, I love the mid-lines pauses that all of the periods create. The succinct thoughts convey a sense of contemplation on the narrators part, as if the writer was sitting on a park bench making observations. The poem comes across like a mosaic in that way. Each line is vivd and colorful, and offers just a clue to the final picture. I could pick out a dozen lines in this piece that strike me, but none are more impactful than the rest. They are more like an army of thoughts marching to a victorius end!

I think I just got carried away there, but it's what I was feeling.

There are a few things that I might consider amending (and this from a guy that HATES revision). First, I don't like the fact that you use "unfolds" twice. In fact, I feel that word is very cliche in "spring" poems. I would also try to get the word "new" out of the poem. Not being mean Vanessa, but a 6th grader would definitely use both of those words in a poem about Spring. And part of the reason that I really think the rest of the poem works so well is the freshness of the lines, i.e: breaking clay toward summer, buds forming baby mouths, the April breeze sighing. On a last not about word choice, I think it was key to use "unfreeze" as opposed to "thaw". Good Choice.

I also had the same thought as Mark Pearce about the exposition of the baby's age. A tipping frame, chubby fingers, and "trying" to stand erect are all great clues. I think it just goes over the top with the line, "He was born when the leaves grew old". I think it may just be the unpoetic nature of the words, "he was born..."

Lastly, I would love to see this poem be the inspiration for a Seasonal Quartet. Meaning, I thinks it's just waiting to be joined by a "Winter", "Summer" and "Autumn" poem. If written in the same style, ryhthm, and length, it could make a long powerful, piece.

Nice Job, Vanessa.

Stiver

[Emily B]

It seems to be completely different than your usual writes. Maybe it's the form. Never too sentimental. Especially when talking about beautiful Irish eyes. Thanks for sending this.

[April Child]

I don't find this over sentimental, in fact I find it quite beautiful. I really feel the whole awakening of spring going on here with the images you describe so well. It's delicate, quite lovely.

Sean smiles our world. An April breeze sighs
and the future shines in his Irish eyes.

[jeRRy.whaLLey]

- Springing to our eyes with allusions that promise growth and energy is like a sympathetic magic with words when well writ and therefore timeless in their import - here Sean and Daffy's in April and magnolia buds and showers all gather the reader to Springs stirring, stirring in the reader a Spring rubbing away the sleepy dust of Winter - we can become anything we want to with the right words and here I felt the Spring -

[Mark Pearce]

I like the sudden introduction and the contrasting element provided by the child.

I think I would try to find a more poetic way of introducing the child's age though. That line seemed overly expositional when it should be, somehow, an intriguing discovery.

.......................

Pos edit comment -- Yes. I think that maintains the mood and flow of the work.