Beautiful in Black

 

Akin to a Bird-of-Paradise, swathes
of blonde hair livid with blue plumes,
he ambled past the local hospital,

gay pride in every step. A lover of
beauty and a scribbler of poems,
she thought his flesh as delicate as

the features of a Pre-Raphaelite.
Their eyes met for a moment.
He perceived her disapproval.

His thoughts turned inwards where
he fell to earth like a shot bird,
his plumage in disarray. Crushed -

his defiant glare became a plaster.
A gulf of years gushed between them.
It was like a river too wide to bridge

and so they stared at one another,
both isolated on separate shores.
His eyes darkened with disdain

and he frowned assertive as if that Bird
of Paradise was splaying out it's vivid tail.
She walked on, talon-torn by a stranger's glare.

 

Reviews

[Blackbirdsong]

I can see this moment and these two people and how one look can really effect someone and how they feel about themselves. I've been on the receiving end of looks like that - as I'm sure we all have - and it is soul-crushing. Your language in this is as usual gorgeous and just inspiring.

I especially loved this -

"Akin to a Bird-of-Paradise, swathes
of blonde hair livid with blue plumes,
he ambled past the local hospital,

gay pride in every step. A lover of
beauty and a scribbler of poems,
she thought his flesh as delicate as

the features of a Pre-Raphaelite.
Their eyes met for a moment.
He perceived her disapproval."

You build him and us up in your descriptions and then allow us to experience his feelings at her disdain. You made me feel what he went through.

[Emily B]

It's a pity to be so used to ill treatment by your fellow humans that you expect it. If he could have seen what ran through her mind, he would have been able to fly with his lovely blue plumes. Maybe if she had smiled, he would have known. Maybe's and if's, we sometimes could do so much with the help of those. . .

I really loved this.

[Lydia Shutter]

So much can be read into a stare...often it is misconstrued. You have said so much here. People ARE works of art and often people watching is a splendid sport. Still, a stare can sting worse than a bee and is actually a weapon. It should be used with caution! Very well written poem. Lydia

[Nan]

Oooh what an ugly creature he is. I like the title and how it's so ironic.

Another love story lost in time that you're able to tell in an instant.
And you do a fantastic job of pulling
the reader into that moment.

and he frowned assertive as if that Bird
of Paradise was splaying out it's vivid tail.
She walked on, talon-torn by a stranger's glare.

This one is sad too, how about liberation from the ego?
I think it happens before someone becomes human.
hehe, well that's just my opinion. Well done!

Nan

[Gandré]

ohhh this was deep!

"his defiant glare became a plaster

for a hurt she had never intended

when in that moment of looking



she had become a visitor at

an art gallery lost in admiration

of how, beautiful he was, in black. " --------such a homogen image...so pretty your metaphor she has been visitor in his art gallery my gosh, this is so perfect.


I adored those last 2 stanzas

"and so they stared at one another,
both isolated on separate shores.
His eyes darkened with disdain

and he frowned assertive as if that Bird
of Paradise was splaying out it's vivid tail.
She walked on, talon-torn by a stranger's glare. "-----------this is fullfilled with a dripping melancholy! It pierced me middle into my heart. oh Vanessa, Vanessa. I loved it.

[All faded blue]

How true! Sometimes we misjudge, or are misjudged by appearance, or perhaps we misread someone else's expression. I know at times I have been accused of looking disgusted with someone. In reality, I am usually thinking deeply about what I would like to say, just a little slow getting the words out. I thought this was a very deep and provocative write.

[Cdnsurfer]

This was a thoughtful write and a wonderful moment you've captured. A snapshot of past friends or more, all that they were no longer possible because of the plummage. He is still a peacock; she still unable to accept him; and so the gulf is never crossed between the two. Wonderful, honest. Cheers! Rob

[Donald Meikle]

Great picture of perspectives and sensitivity caught in a chance glance