Beautiful in Black

 

Akin to a Bird-of-Paradise, swathes
of blonde hair livid with blue plumes,
he ambled past the local hospital,

gay pride in every step. A lover of
beauty and a scribbler of poems,
she thought his flesh as delicate as

the features of a Pre-Raphaelite.
Their eyes met for a moment.
He perceived her disapproval.

His thoughts turned inwards where
he fell to earth like a shot bird,
his plumage in disarray. Crushed -

his defiant glare became a plaster.
A gulf of years gushed between them.
It was like a river too wide to bridge

and so they stared at one another,
both isolated on separate shores.
His eyes darkened with disdain

and he frowned assertive as if that Bird
of Paradise was splaying out it's vivid tail.
She walked on, talon-torn by a stranger's glare.

 

Reviews

[Blackbirdsong]

I can see this moment and these two people and how one look can really effect someone and how they feel about themselves. I've been on the receiving end of looks like that - as I'm sure we all have - and it is soul-crushing. Your language in this is as usual gorgeous and just inspiring.

I especially loved this -

"Akin to a Bird-of-Paradise, swathes
of blonde hair livid with blue plumes,
he ambled past the local hospital,

gay pride in every step. A lover of
beauty and a scribbler of poems,
she thought his flesh as delicate as

the features of a Pre-Raphaelite.
Their eyes met for a moment.
He perceived her disapproval."

You build him and us up in your descriptions and then allow us to experience his feelings at her disdain. You made me feel what he went through.

[Gypsy Dreamweaver]

Wow! Rarely am I at a loss for words! This work hits home for me. I have had strangers give me that look. It is bad enough when coming from a stranger but when it comes from someone you love, say a close family member, that look rips one's soul asunder. I wish to thank the author for this amazing piece. Why can't we be accepted for who we are? The last time I checked the Creator doesn't make mistakes and certainly does not make junk. An excellent read.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Man. Now this is a powerful story. It's a shame to be so condemned by a
person who doesn't even know you. This is touching work. The imagery
was all beautiful and artistic. Kudos!

[Jibey]

A salutary reminder of how a look can crush the spirit

[Zephyr]

i love this description of the exchange passed in a glance between two people. it's amazing what a fraction of a second in someone's eyes can tell you and how it can make you feel.

this is fantastically done.

[jeRRy.whaLLey]

a conflicted Romanticism in this Gulf of years as a plaint of Beauty which cannot be captured nor knows any fears yet neither consummated in passionate embrace, a kissless kiss, a touchless face, so I go to that longing Love that shall ne'er be won, peregrinated to follow my aching heart 'til life is done - in Romantic Mysticism the longing is often an allusion to the ever seeking Heart to the beloved as the goal is Love never sated - Oh, to kiss the beloved with the same kiss the beloved kisses me, and in that kiss live an eternity - our hearts know this, Love attracts Love, the secret of the kiss - and the law of attraction is as above, so in you, as you see Beauty, so are you too - lovely writing Vanessa

[Mark Pearce]

A very creative way to illustrate unacceptance...

By turning it into vivid, visual displays.

[Rain]

I reveal my self by confessing I had to read this several time, pluse read the reviews. I always do that when I read something from a shelf hard for me to reach. But, I read your very intelligent review of what I wrote, and I felt drawn to your writing. Like looking at a painting at an art museum, the longer I looked at it..the more beautiful it became. I'm very simple. I read until I can feel something inside. If I never feel it, it's not my taste. I was surprised that I actually began to feel the essence of this poem. It was written so beautifully. The words created a symbolic meeting that I understood. To many, this poem, and what it really is saying, comes easy. Not so with me. I have to fight to understand. This struggle was well worth it. I felt the tension, and felt the arrogance..and perhaps the misunderstanding. It was beautiful. Rain..

[April Child]

His thoughts turned inwards where
he fell to earth like a shot bird,
his plumage in disarray. Crushed

Some beautiful descriptions you have in this poem. I cant offer anything constructive here, you did a great job. I will just show appreciation. The flow is fluid and graceful and the descriptions are vivid, Very nice piece.

[George Love]

I've seen this happen, and you capture this emotions quite well! One look can destroy a person's self image in a scant second. Love the imagery here. Great work!

[Pema Dorje]

oh a moment of passing so lucidly writ with all the feelings played out in it, but a look into another's eye could cause such a wordless cry ... Poetic vision and such a smooth flow, ya know!