Agatha's Christie's 'Who Killed C**k Robin'.

"Who killed C**k Robin?" "I," said the Sparrow, "With my bow and arrow, I killed C**k Robin." "Who saw him die?" "I," said the Fly, "With my little eye, I saw him die."

I have gathered you all here together to answer one simple but terrible question and that question is who killed C**k Robin? M. Sparrow here has confessed to the crime but I say that is the red herring. No, no, my friend, it is no use protesting. I say that you have the mistaken idea implanted in your head that you must protect someone. And how, you ask, do I, Hercule Poirot, know this? All in good time my friends, I call you friends but one of you is a foul murderer, him or her I do not call friend. I do not approve of murder. Madam Fly here saw him die, a terrible sight I know. Please Madam do not cry so. Here is a handkerchief. Of course, you will never forget it. Who could forget such a sight - red blood all over his breast? Tut, tut, terrible, terrible. But we move on. According to your evidence you found him in the study. You looked out of the window which was open to see the murderer running away across the lawn. You have identified that man as M. Sparrow here. You then knelt down to hear the last words on this earth of M. C**k Robin.

From the start I thought this was all very suspicious so I took a little sample of his blood and sent it to a colleague of mine who examined his blood in the little dish and I have his report here. M. C**k Robin did not die from the arrow. No, no and a thousand times no that was just a ruse to fool us all into thinking that he was shot by M. Sparrow here. But Hercule Poirot is not so easily fooled. M. Robin was poisoned. So now I ask what was it that M. C**k Robin knew that led to his death? Perhaps you made his shroud M. Beetle when he discovered about your secret underworld activities? Or you M. Owl did he dig his own grave when he informed you that he knew the secret sign the pick and shovel or should I say the hammer and sickle? This little black book here is what I think the murderer wanted.

The names of all here are entered. Everyone of you had a reason to kill M. C**k Robin because M. Robin was a blackmailer wasn’t he, M. Rook, or should I say Crook and you M. Lark chief clerk and embezzler? And you, M. Linnet, feared going to prison or clink as you would say in your oh so charming cockney accent. But I tell you that is exactly where most of you in this room will be very shortly, when I hand this little book over to Inspector Japp here.

And you, Mademoiselle Dove, the chief mourner and sweetheart. Oh, so busy sighing and sobbing and yet secretly you hated him didn’t you? He was unfaithful not once but many times was he not, Mademoiselle? I say that all of you have tried to fool Hercule Pioriot but the little grey cells they are not so easily fooled. I knew you were telling the c**k and hen story. Sorry I correct myself, the c**k and bull story. I am Belgium and sometimes I make the little mistakes but not, I think, when it comes to murder. One must seek the truth within in the psychology of the murderer but I am human and one must also think of the problems of the human being.

Who is it that M. Sparrow would lie for, risk going to prison for and even more. The answer to that is simple, it is the beautiful Mademoiselle Dove who is the only person present in a position to have poisoned M. Robin’s morning coffee. It was Mademoiselle Dove who fired the arrow through the window and it was Mademoiselle Dove who you saw running away Madam Fly when you unexpectedly entered the room earlier than your ten of the clock appointment. You wear spectacles do you not Madam Fly but that morning you had lost them. I put it to you, Madame Fly that you could not possibly have made out who the figure running away was with your little eye. All you could see with your little eye was M. C**k Robin breathing his last on the carpet.

So why did you poison him and not just shoot him with the arrow anyway Mademoiselle Dove? Because you could not be sure that you would kill him. You have been taking lessons from M. Sparrow here but you are not that good a shot with the bow and arrow yet I think. No, as M. Robin was dying you stepped through the window and fired only a short distance away from the bull’s eye, did you not? You wanted to cast doubt on this impressionable young fool and oh how convenient for you when M. Sparrow confessed a willing sacrifice to your evil schemes. You may look sweet and innocent Mademoiselle Dove but you are a cold-blooded murderess.

M. Japp take her away please.

Author's Note

Just a bit of fun - a little pastiche allowing Agatha Christie's famous Belgian detective to solve who killed Cock Robin from the English poem/nursery rhyme. Love to know if you think this works and if you have any suggestions for improvement.

Reviews

[Donald Meikle]

All these years I've been loving sparrows for doing in one miserable robin and now to find out it was a tasty dove that did the dastardly deed.At least in the eyes of a Belgian who I had thought to be French with a mouth like my grandmother tasting vinegar.
Loved it Nessie. Well done

[Malenkov]

Nice little number, absurd, humourous, the nice foreign accent coming across in the voice, the twisted detective trail - very convulted and funny. Nice - liked it. I think you might make it longer by a few scenes and perhaps exaggerate even more, maybe make point with it, maybe the sillyness of people and their affairs, or the pomposity of the invrstigator but a funny farce that had me smiling nonetheless.

Well done

[Blackbirdsong]

Yeah its back!!!!! So glad to see it back up again :)

[Dave "Doc" Rogers]

Quite the flapping of the feathered quill, wot? Nicely done, Vanessa.

It is hard to cature, sometimes, the right feel and meter of another's style; then to write well in that style. Nice challenge and well done hommage.

Cheers!
Doc.
Read My Writing at WritersCafe.org

[Gandré]

Fantastic! you are such a great crime/mystery writer! I never could do this! truly delightful. always send me such stories Vanessa! So where is your book Vanessa ? I want a book. Tell me. luv, lara. you are an accomplished storyteller my dear! master in it.

[Blackbirdsong]

LOL I just saw, "Murder on the Orient Express," last night and you really captured Poirot's character and speech perfectly. This was a wonderful update of the old story and something I don't think Agatha Christie would've minded in the least. Great work. :)

[Gandré]

I look forward to this. I leave my house now, am back in 4 h and review then! luv. xx lara.

[Ken Simm.]

Delightful. If I could make one insignificant comment, perhaps instead of Mr it could be M. to keep the Poirot motif. Nontheless delightful for all that. Ken