Marry Me

There's always divorce.

 

Dear so-and-so,

 

I am so in love with you that I cannot imagine being with any other person, so I would like to place a golden fetter on the middle child of your sinister hand to keep you from ever leaving me if you change so much that you no longer feel the way you do now or if you meet someone that you fall more in love with than me. I demand you stay even if I no longer make you happy and someone else can do a better job. I care this much about you.

 

Dear so-and-so,

 

You are my better half, and I cannot imagine my half ever changing enough to require a different better half. Therefore, I want to legally obligate you to remain faithful to me and have three or four kids with you so if you ever left me you would be ruining the lives of four or five people and everyone will realize what a selfish weak-willed phony you are.

 

Dear so-and-so,

 

 I know your love will take me all the way through, and if it doesn’t I just won’t make it. Does this not make you fear that I’ll commit suicide if you don’t say yes?

 

Dear so-and-so,

 

I’m tired of my insincere sexual affairs and the masses of bland, predictable, and theatrical sardines I bed with. I hate everyone, but I hate you less. I want to make a commitment because I bored with being uncommitted, so when I think about that affair in Los Angeles with that red-head who works the swing shift at Norms I will undoubtedly refrain myself from my old ways even if I am no longer bored with them and have become bored with our commitment. I can’t ever see this going wrong.

 

Dear so-and-so,

 

I am committed to my political ideals, and I fear that if our institutions fail the fabric of society and mankind as we know it will fall apart and there will be no order and no sense of the word family and we’ll all be buzzing around chaotically running into one another like atoms until we become asexual or die out. For these reasons, and your societal standing, I would like to share a home, two.five kids a dog a cat and a bird named Rodger. And even if I grow to hate everything you stand for and I stand for and everything we’ve taught our children because I realize the sham I’ve been conditioned to believe in by my father and grandfather and even if the cat runs away and the dog dies and I often think of killing the bird there is no chance in hell I will ever ever leave you. I am that principled.

Reviews

[Aven]

it is an unusal format for a poem, but I really loved your words... how you surprised me with the line "I’m tired of my insincere sexual affairs and the masses of bland, predictable, and theatrical sardines I bed with." provocative, beautiful and elegante. well written!

[roarke]

sounds like truth and commitment to me.... now let's work out the pre-nup's.

Smart biting wit, clear and present writing. Excellent.

[Etsuko's Boy]

I have smiled at the truth of all that is writen above. Thank you for making my night!!

[Alicia Schroeder]

Very unique peice.

[David Sjolander]

This is funny! Thanks for a good laugh(btw-I fixed "immensely!":) I am immensely grateful to you.Lol.:)

[PianoandPage]

lol. i'd say this is cynical except that would be like calling a lion a kitty cat.

also, i find that i know several of these people and have heard (less honest) statements like these.

i am married and happily so, but i have known the people who marry because they are settling, or because they feel like have to, or because of some deep personal insecurity and need to latch onto someone else to distract from their own issues.

i think this is a somewhat jaded and bitter poem but it has a humor. it runs a little long but each example has a wonderful sarcastic bent and unique situation so i think they are justified in being part of the whole piece.

I love how the piece was delivered to a reader in a series of letters. That was a very unique approach. The topic is probably applicable to 99% of the population, especially since half the marriages in the US end up in divorce. Keep up the great job.

[J. Marc]

Waow, this is quite a thought provoking writing! Indeed, marriage has been questioned so many times but so is also divorce. So where does the whole thing lead us to? I particularly loved the tone and wit in your first letter.

[Wildecat]

A delightful poem, well crafted and a definite pleasure to read. Also wanted to say thank you for your kind comments on (Booty and the Beast) also for your friendship. Both are very much appreciated.