Busywork

Hurry up and get life over with.

I don’t want to believe what they say

Because I can’t seem to love myself

I make some progress, take a dare

They seem to like me, all by themselves

I say some things, I cling tightly

I make some jokes that just befell

Back to my own orbiting moon

 

If you can’t love yourself

Forget loving another

If you can’t love yourself

Forget loving another

Well I will never be okay with me

Guess the universe is telling me

That I’m meant to be alone

 

I hope they’re wrong

Or I hope I get better

But I just don’t see that happening.

 

Cynical, Jaded, Hopeless, Faded

It’s never worked out for me

We all stand so critically

Cynical and Jaded

Hopeless and Faded

 

I just want to see you look at me

And my eyes look back at you

It’s the end of the dramatic,

Torturous thing

I’d feel how I’ve wanted to

I’d take you in and smile for years

I’d be cured of all these wretched things

The flaws would remain

But differently

The corpse would thrive

I would know when I met you that

Those black clouds would level out

 

But tonight that won’t happen

And probably never will

I’m stuck with myself

So I just write and I hope that

That will be enough

I’ll never be what I want to be

I’ve known since I could speak

I’m handicapped in my own way

I feel like I’m just completing the levels

Because there’s nothing else to do

Just hurry up and get it over with

Maybe next time will be better.

Katharine Dishron 12/9/11

 

 

 

Author's Note

sorry so depressing, but hopefully, if anything, someone can relate and feel less alone!

Reviews

[tekphobik]

Well done. I can easily find myself identifying with those feelings in my past. Keep writing, this will be the most creative time in your life as you struggle to find your place. Go check out my older works as opposed to anything posted recently, you'll identify with those, especially, I imagine, "Proclamations and Portraits."

This is not an advertisement, I swear I came with the best intentions.

...

What!?

[John F Carver]

It reminded me of when I was really alone and wanted to do just what you wanted to do just then; reach someone feeling the same pain. It's a weird sort of pathos but I think everyone who has been there knows they are not there alone, not God looking out on an empty, endless, mindless universe moments before he started to sane out. What bothers me is: If reality is what you make of it, is it true? Lies are made up just like that too. And, why would anyone want to see what I have seen, if they weren't mentally ill and really had a choice?

[John Stussy]

Opposite of the one I just read, but still fantastic. It's easy to see something different from what others see, though our own personal view of ourselves includes occurrences and words traded which others don't always see. Those unseen factors are generally lies, images skewed by the emotional or psychological circumstances. I haven't done so good at following the advice I'm about to give, but that's more because I'm a stubborn jackass than because it's bad advice. Look at yourself through others' eyes. Keep your chin up and keep writing.

[p.kuhl]

this is just brutal. i think your pen hurt the paper's feelings. or rather, your fingers must've hurt the keyboard. either way...good job. this is very direct and to the point. i liiiiike

[Reaching for the clouds]

You sounds like a wise person. And many of us feel the same things often.

[Wolfwind]

This piece speaks to me of a road being walked, where there is not color, just shades of grey and blocks of black and white. A road where each turn looks the same as the last and every intersection leads back to a place walked before. I can clearly sense the frustration pouring from these words. To feel as if life is just a series of levels, like a game and each step is made, just to make them for what society thinks is normal, rather than for personal motivation or desire, would be indeed a blow upon the energy of the spirit and soul.
To this I say, don't give up on the rainbows... They do exist as long as you're willing to walk through the rain to reach the warmth of the sun.

Well spoken, well written. :)
Aaron