plushy you

A Screenplay by katey_patatey

satire on people who do infomercials with a bit of a twist

“welcome and have we got the product for you! In the next ten minutes we’ll tell you about the exclusive offer we’ll give you with this amazing product.

Introducing Plushy You! The first hand stitched doll designed to look like you.

Hi I’m your host bob Segar and I’m here to offer you this wonderful product. What so great about you say have you ever had a relative who you do not know what to get them for a birthday or a holiday than this is a snap.

Now I would like to introduce you to my co host today Mrs. Jean Ray welcome Jean!”

“HI there bob you know I just love you music!”

“well thanks Jean why don’t you tell our viewers about how you found this wonderful product”

“Okay! Haha one day about four years ago I was looking for a birthday present for my niece and I couldn’t find any thing she would like when this strange man approached me and said if I gave him a picture of my niece he could manufacture a doll to look like my niece and you know what? He delivered.”

“Wow what a thrilling story!”

“Thanks Bob!. Now I get them for every one in my family so they have there very own doll that look just like them all I had to do was call and send in a picture and in a week I had the doll. Of course the people who made the doll get paid five cents a day but it’s worth it trust me.”

“for this special offer of three easy payments of $4.99 you can this wonderful knitted plushy made be refugee Mexicans. All the money from you purchase goes to off shore drilling. So if your looking for the perfect gift pick up the phone.”

“Now bob what happens if the doll shows up soiled damaged or filled with drugs?”

“well Jean we find the refugee assign to your pushy and they’ll be sentenced to death by fire squad. And we’ll send you back 20% of your first payment and you can keep the doll.”

“Hahaha how about the picture that has to be sent in? what happens to that you send in what happens to it because I remember I never got mine back.”

“Ever one thousand orders the processing plant incinerates the photos for confidential reasons of course some to slip through the crack and you picture may keep a Mexican boy very happy.”

“What benefits are the to owning a Plushy You?”

“first jean there Bio degradable so by the time your loved one gets tried of owning it already turned in to waste. Second no Mexican will get your money. Third it would help me pay off my debt from the eighties.”

“those are some wonderful reasons bob. So pick up the phone and call the number at the top of your screen…Yes call the number covering my face.”

“And if you call now will take away the third payment but you only have two minutes. Call now!”