I Think I Miss You...

When you review the past you stir up emotions that had settled to the bottom of your mind. Every memory you replay in your mind has a collection of feelings attached to it. These feelings mix with the clear and current ones, producing a murky, muddy perspective. When review things that once were, you need to keep a clear head and a defined picture of where you are now.

I look back at the past and find that I miss you. It seems wrong to miss you seeing that this exile from your presence is by my choice. Then factor in the fact that I have moved on and found another and now it feels not only wrong but a betrayal. However on further reflection I found that I am doing nothing wrong. You were the one constant in my life for the last four years. While everything else, everyone else, while I was changing you remained the same. For the last four years you were familiar, the comfortable. I miss you as an individual because before it all you were a mate. You made me laugh, you made me smile, you made me happy and in the end that is what I miss. I miss being happy with you but that wasn't what we had in the end. There were few smiles, no laughter and a lot of tears.

I have changed and I have grown, we both have. The things in our relationship that use to satisfy me, no longer do so. I was comfortable with it but not happy. I have to be selfish here and realise that I deserve happiness. I need to venture out of what is comfortable, face my fear of the unfamiliar and find what I need. I realise that comfortable is no good if you spend more days at rock bottom then not. If it was true love and meant to be there wouldn't have been so many tears.

 

Reviews

[Talismanic]

Think I miss my mate... :'(

This has such a beautiful rhythm and resonance to it. Personally, I find reflective writing next to impossible to ever get 'right;' the emotion always feels overdone or laboured and never quite real. Your style is mature and original. A quick once over for grammar and polishing is all I can recommend. The resolution hits its nerve; is heartfelt, reflective and does not lose its... humanity?