War

 

Why does it all come down to hope? Is hope really that important? Hope and fear. These seem the two things that continually battle in my mind. Every day it is a different outcome. One day it is hope and I become sweet and innocent once again. Then the next day it is fear and I become the evil, hateful monster that I keep shut in my mind. I believe that one day these battles will be over and the war will be won. I hope that hope is victorious but I fear that fear is stronger. Which ever it is at least I will finally understand how I will survive. I will either survive as a sweet, innocent, normal person or I will unleash the evil, hateful monster from my mind and it will finally control.

 

The more I write the more I fear, the more I fear that I have feed and strengthened the monster in my mind. I feel that I should swear to always look on the bright side, to always be sweet and innocent. I know better then to make that promise. If I make that promise it is almost certain that it will be broken before I realise it.

 

What ever happens, I know that hope must win, fear must fail. I must continue with the battles until the war is over. I must. Always keep a happy face and never let anything out. I know it is coming to the end. Fear or Hope. It will be decided.

 

*~*~*~*

 

Why do I feel I have finally lost it? Why do I feel that the war has finally been ended and it wasn’t fear or hope that won. They both loss and my mind has been left littered like a battle ground. All my hopes have been slaughtered and my fears have been shattered. There is nothing left. My mind has been left empty and tattered from battle after battle. It took plenty of time but yet the war is finally over. My mind was converted into a battle field purely for the war between hope and fear and neither won, they just murdered each other.

 

I look over my mind and find nothing left standing. Not a single fear, not a tiny hope. I search the open and I search the corners but nothing is there. Finally I find something emerging, I find the only survivor of the war. So which side won, which side survived, hope or fear?

 

I approach with caution and find that it is sorrow which survived. I should have known, I should have guessed. After all sorrow always survives no matter what, no matter who fights the war. So there it is, I searched my mind and the only thing left standing is sorrow, the only thing left in my life for me to feel is sorrow.