Darkness

Written in 2005, my first year out of my hometown, I had just had my relationship turned into a long distance one.

 

The train came and took you away and you had only just arrived. You where there one second and gone the next, a ghost of a question was left in my mind. ‘Were you ever here at all?’ I begin to imagine that you were all in my mind, some wonderful dream that I had brought to life.

 

A dream you may be but at least a dream that saves me from the nightmare. You save me from the nightmare of being alone. But like all good dream you must end, you must leave to return; only you know when. You leave me deserted in the nightmare to stumble my way towards the light that never gets closer.

 

I stumble through the darkness, struggle against the dark temptation that are always seducing me to follow and battle against the fears that try to overwhelm me and drag me down. All the time I focus on the light, the light that can save me from the darkness. The light that I imagine comes into my life when you are around. Try as I may to reach it I never succeed. It is always traveling out of my reach. It may all be in my mind but at times I would swear that it was traveling fasted then I. The fear that I will never reach it, never catch it, never see you again, rises up to overwhelm me once again. I push it back and refuse to believe, I can not afford to believe it. The hope of the light being in my life is the only hope that keeps me going, the only hope I can depend on.

 

I look around me and realize that the fear of the dark isn’t a childish fear but instead the fear of the wise, the fear of people who are aware what lurks in the dark. The fear of the dark is a fear of the horrors that hide in the darkest corners they can find. It is the fear of the horrors that lurk in your mind, the one place you can’t fight them without fighting yourself and in turn destroying yourself. Fighting yourself and leaving you mind a tattered mess with hopes and beliefs revealed for the lies they are.